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What did you do, boy asks girl to take her pants down

This past weekend we had a few friends over. Both couples have one son each (a 6 year old (my cousins son) and 10 year old (my best friends son)). My daughter just turned 5. They were playing in our finished basement when the 10 year old came up stairs and said that my daughter pulled her pants down. I was like, WTF...Called for her to come up stairs and we had a talk in her room. Now I know that at this age they have no concept of this being a sexual thing, just courious. Still, I will not stand for it, but when I spoke to my cousin, he was like, Well this happens at this age and if we make a big deal about it that it will only add interest for them. ??? Didn't get that at all.
Well after they left, I was reading my daughter a story and once finished we talked about what took place.
She said that when the 6 year old asked her to take her pants down she said NO and then he took her hand and said you have to..Which she did.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:55 PM on Jul. 12, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (5)
  • You still do not know that this is what happened. At this point she may be afraid that she is going to be in trouble and may be saying that to avoid repercussions. I would, personally, ask the 10 year old what happened.
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 11:02 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • My mom taught elementary school, and kids often repeated whatever their parents said, not knowing what in the world they were doing or saying. Once there were kids in the playhouse and one of them yelled "Mrs. X, Annie and Bobbie are having sex in there!' names changed, of course. My mom just told them to stop having sex in the playhouse.

    Kids are curious. But you do need to let them know that there are boundaries-- going into hysterics or adding an emotive component doesn't do that-- it just scares them without making them understand. I liked how you talked about it calmly afterward. It was a great opportunity to explain what is and is not okay and why.
    Busimommi

    Answer by Busimommi at 11:08 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • The 10 year old has terrets (sp?) and when he came upstairs to tell me, his arm was flinging around and he was visibly upset. His mom asked him later what happened and he stated the same story my daughter gave. The thought of this kills me.
    Marianne531

    Answer by Marianne531 at 11:09 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • What kills you exactly? That she didn't stand up for herself? That she didn't know that this was not OK? Or that this little boy was curious and persuasive? None of these are reasons to freak out. Better that you know now what you're working with. Use this as a jump off point to have conversations with your dd about standing up for herself. That she can go with her instincts. About private parts, appropriate and inappropriate etc. The next time he's over feel free to give them both a brief reminder that clothes stay on. Don't have them unsupervised. Also make sure that your daughter isn't afraid of him. Give her a plan to handle it if someone asks her to do something she's not comfortable with. What about his parents? You didn't mention any conversation with them. It's only fair to let them in on your knowledge of the situation and how you plan to handle it. They will want to talk with their little one too.
    sunshinesmon

    Answer by sunshinesmon at 12:18 AM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • Well yes, that she said NO and then didn't stand up for herself after the second time he asked. We have talked about private parts and what is and isn't appropiate. No more basement play, first floor or out side within eye contact. I did speak with his father about it and he said that this is a norm for this age and not to make a BIG deal about it in front of the kids.

    To those that replyed...thank you for your replys. Now I am not feeling any different than other moms when it comes to another child asking your daughter to remove her pants. It freaked me out...maybe because it was my cousins son. Any blinders I may have had on are now off!
    Again, thank you ladies.
    God Bless.
    Marianne531

    Answer by Marianne531 at 10:12 AM on Jul. 13, 2009

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