Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Are there any Step parents who just stepped in quietly , but due to temporary absences of the bio's had to fill/ in instead of just stepping in???

Any Bio's who wish they got more help from Step parents???

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:10 PM on Jul. 12, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • Yes that was me and we are married now, but it still feels that way sometimes.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:16 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • When I moved in with my now husband, his boys were 7 & 20 months. The boys are now 3 & 4, currently about half way through a 6-wk visit with their mom. This is the longest they've spent with her since she gave them back to DH. It's a long story, but at the time she wasn't in a financial position to have them. So DH has primary custody of them and she gets visitation. I also have two kids from my first marriage, they are 20 & 24, lol yeah...it's like I'm starting over from scratch. I'd also like to point out that I'm 47 and have days that I'm wishing that I was younger and had the energy that the boys do.
    The good thing is that their mom and I actually get along real well and like each other. When DH and I first got together, she had moved out and had the boys...never in my wildest dreams did I foresee that we were going to get them at such a young age. It's a bit overwhelming some days.
    daisy521

    Answer by daisy521 at 11:19 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • Yes, my ss lives with us full time because biomom is a loser. I find it to be VERY difficult. He's 6 and a good kid but it's complicated when you are raising a child that isn't yours. I wouldn't recommend getting into this situation if you can help it.
    stepmom929

    Answer by stepmom929 at 11:20 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • I agree with you stepmom. I love my husband so much..so I feel so bad that I feel that way too, but I do. If you have them from babies and toddlers I think some things would be easier but when they were already being raised a certain way and you come into the picture and try to show them a more structured way and manners/respect and discipline it is more difficult.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:33 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • I think my main thing is that as much as I want to...I don't really feel like their stepmom. I don't feel like this with other stepmoms...but when I look at me? I feel like a cheap sub...a replacement.....and I hate it. I won't let DH do anything for me for Mother's Day...because I'm not their mom. Even their mom has chewed me about that, she told me once that she couldn't have asked for anyone better then me to help raise the boys if she had hand picked me. So why can't I just let go and really show them the love I feel for them? DH keeps telling me that they love me...but I'm afraid to accept it. Maybe cuz it was so heartbreaking when my own DS moved out, my DS moved to live with her dad 3yrs ago when the DH and I first got together. She's never even met him, even though he brags about his gorgeous daughter. He doesn't consider my kids as 'steps'. He says 'the only steps in this house are on the porch outside'.
    daisy521

    Answer by daisy521 at 11:47 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • Something that really helps me to remember when I am having hard stepmom days is what I heard from someone on this other step-parenting website that I go on sometimes (www.steptalk.org) - she told me: You cannot be expected to love your stepson like your husband does because he's not your son. A mother-child bond is the strongest one there is and there is no way you can ever replicate it.
    Now I realize that some stepmoms do love their stepkids as their own - and I am SO jealous of those moms. But for me I stressed for a long time about why I don't LOVE my stepson (he's 6 and a very sweet boy) I thought that there must be something wrong with me. But I agree with what that stepmom told me - especially now that I have my own child - you can't replicate a mother-child bond. But that doesn't mean you can't be a great stepmom.
    stepmom929

    Answer by stepmom929 at 10:31 AM on Jul. 13, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
Am I wrong?

Next question overall (Pregnancy)
Samuel Clayton or Samuel Finn?

close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN