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What do you do to bring back intimacy in your marriage/relationship?

I'm stuck in a rut. I'm tired, feel overwhelmed with housework and yard work and kids running amok from boredom. The result is: I am not interested in having s*x with my hubby at all right now. This has been in the last month or so; I'm just not interested. Even though I love my hubby with all my heart and IT is always great, I can't bring myself to do it. All I want to do is sleep. I'm irritable too, it seems like he is on my nerves, but I know he really isn't. Since it's been so long, it feels obligatory.

What do you do to get out of a rut? Date night of course is always a good suggestion and usually a necessity, but the sitter situation is difficult. I only call one in an emergency.

What else can I do? Once I get my house back in shape, I will be happy again.. but for now, I feel like it's all on me and I can't take on anyone's requests other than life's necessities, ya know?

Thanks in advance for your helpful input


Asked by Annette4 at 10:41 AM on Jul. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Level 6 (148 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I wanted to tell you that you give and give and with are kiddo's we don' t get that much back . All day we are caregiver's then it time to give somemore and it is just not in us .. we are done .. that is how I have felt for sooooo long .. it is normal .. Your husband is not going to find anyone else lets get that one out of your mind .. Your tired and menatally drained .. Now if he would baby you and just give to you all the attention then tell him bring it on . But for awhile honey we just get tired . Hang in there sister ... there are some great idea's here for you !!

    Answer by MommyJanice44 at 8:13 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • well u can go some where and get something fun for the both of u , like lingerie or something like that. if u dont have intimacy in the relationship in a relationship its more likely that ur partner will find someone else if they r not getting any at home even if they love the person , im not saying that he will but its more likely if he wants it and isnt getting any. so try something new and fun :) toys r fun.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:47 AM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • You CAN"T do hubby's job in his place of work, the employer didn't hire you hubby was hired. But your home is a shared job and your marriage license is the employer. Tell him firmly when tv computer's not on he needs to ante up. So long as you allow him to be your dictator he will be.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:49 AM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • Well..... I have had the same problem in my home for more than a month. DH just has a higher sex drive than I do. I feel like I always say "not in the mood" and it's true. Weird because I should be in the mood sometime right???
    So we made up a "johnny's night" not my hubby's real name but you get the idea. It is 2 nights a week that we do it( Thur & SUn). He looks forward to it all day and it helps set the mood and plans for me. I Know I have to be in the mood on these days. I take a shower before he gets home, wear cute Pj's , put our kiddos to bed early, whatever it takes to help me be in the mood.
    Oh, did I mention the REST of the week is MINE!!! LOL He doesn't ask for it and I don't "feel" that obligation or that he is annoyed with me EVERYTIME I lay in bed next to him everynight, right before i said"not in the mood" like I use too. It use to make bed time kinda suspenceful or stressful.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:02 AM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • Try putting the kids to bed earlier, and give yourself sometime to relax! Take a bubble bath, lay in bed and watch a lifetime movie, or read a book! I know it is hard to make time for us, but sometimes you NEED to make time for yourself! You wont be able to care for your family and your husband if you are not in tip top shape! Heck with the date night, you and your hubby need to go away for a weekend together!

    Answer by mrsmamaj at 11:05 AM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • We haven't done this in awhile but in the past we got my parent's to babysit for the night and we got a hotel about an hour away...had a whole day and night to ourselves. It was nice. Should probably do it again soon! LOL!

    Answer by drpepper73 at 11:26 AM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • make the kids dinner, grab a snack or what ever. Then after the kids go to bed have dinner together. It also helps to institute a set quiet time do some sort of quiet activity. In your room. It does not work if you have babies or toddlers. 3 and up seem to understand the idea behind it. Right after dinner we all get quiet time to do as we please. We also text each other during the day. It helps us feel connected. DD goes into her bedroom at 8 she does not have to go to sleep right away she can read a book (we do read a book together then she goes into her room.) or she can play for a little bit but she knows the only reasons she can leave her room is if she has to use the bathroom. or if its something really important. It works for us. we get plenty of time before bed to talk and do what ever, watch a movie, play a game.

    Answer by lady-J-Rock at 11:34 AM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • go to a casino with a hotel room. Seriously it's what we do to get out of the rut
    We check in, and bring our own beverages drop them off in the room , on ice, go to the casino floor and play a couple games together, get some food to go. go up to the room have a few drinks, eat and take a long hot bubble bath. TOGETHER and bring candles for the bathroom.
    go straight to the bed and try some new things on that bed! when your done enjoy the alone time, the freedom to walk around naked, heck do belly shots! lol, go back to the casino play a little more, go back to the room, just sit around the table and enjoy the conversation, it's just the 2 of you. The idea of a "room" is to be yourselves, to talk and make love, to reconnect. The next day have breakfast and maybe even hit a few garage sales on the way home.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:05 PM on Jul. 13, 2009