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I have read several questions on here from women who are TTC who say things like it's not fair that I can't have kids and other women keep having them/can't take care of them/don't want them...what does one thing have to do with the other?

I am truly not trying to be insensitive but that makes no sense to me. I read it's not fair, it's selfish...why would someone expect a woman who for example is going to have an abortion because she can't take care of a baby to go through pregnancy then hand over the baby to someone else?


Asked by Anonymous at 11:01 AM on Jul. 13, 2009 in Trying to Conceive

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I think its very offensive when women who are TTC point the finger at young mothers, and act like they deserve a baby more then they do. I understand it must be a really hard thing to deal with, especially when you've tried multiple times, and lost several babies. I couldnt imagine how frustrating that must be, but i dont think that gives them the right to lash out at other people. I've had a couple women say some really hurtful things, like they wished i'd lose my baby. I dont understand why anyone would wish that on another mother. I understand being upset, but taking it out on other people doesnt solve anything.

    Answer by holly082290 at 2:45 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • Because people who are trying so hard to bring a little baby into the world (ans even millions who aren't) - find the killing of a baby inutero disgusting.


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:04 AM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • It's not necessarily a reflection on the woman who is pondering abortion. It's not that they expect any other woman to give birth and hand their child over to them.

    It's unfair that there are women who want kids that can't get pregnant while at the same time there are women who don't want kids that CAN get pregnant. The "not being able to have kids when you want them" being the "unfair" part. I can totally understand this. It took me a very long time to get pregnant and I panicked that I never would. I was extremely jealous of any woman I saw walking by that was pregnant or had a baby. I had a friend who had a miscarriage who got panicked that she'd never get pregnant again, went and TRIED to get pregnant. (cont.)

    Answer by NovemberLove at 11:08 AM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • I'm not same first responder - but some people find killing of a fetus with no heartbeat only growth ability inutero disgusting. I am prochoice until either heartbeat is heard affecting mom or viable life outside womb then I'm against abortion. I have threesisters in law who all had miscarriages and tons of friends too. it's a puzzle and heartbreak as to why why some women can get pregnant and carry to term and others can't. It's emotional depending on who you love and what you've lost.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:09 AM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • When she did get pregnant again, she decided she wasn't ready to be a mother and aborted her baby. I LOVE my friend, this is not a reflection on her but I was SO upset that she could get get pregnant on a whim and then end the pregnancy knowing "she could always just get pregnant again" and here I was not even able to get pregnant ONCE.

    If this was a perfect world, the people who weren't ready or don't want to have kids wouldn't get pregnant and the people who wanted them would get pregnant on the first try. I think that's common ground that most women can agree upon don't you?

    Answer by NovemberLove at 11:11 AM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • Anon, a rudimentary circulatory system is in place by 3 weeks, a heart beats as early as 5 weeks and there are measurable brain waves by 7 weeks. How many detectable pregnancies do you think there are that are responsibly eliminated before 5 weeks when the heart starts beating that you think your "pro-choice" stance is protecting?

    The fact of the matter is, it's her body, her choice. I don't care how old the baby is, if it still in HER body, it's still HER choice to do whatever the hell she wants. This includes drinking, smoking, drugs or having an abortion. It's not any less HER body just because the baby is viable and if she doesn't want to be a human incubator any more, she shouldn't have to be.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:14 AM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • anony1014 not every single doctor's office in this country or world for that matter clearly detects a heartbeat the second it can be doppler heard.

    Prochoice is only prochoice when the circumstance is left to the mom. It's merely my personal thought that a mother's emotional choice to abort or carry is based on heartbeat heard or viable out side womb.

    That is more law practiced no matter who likes it or not in recent history than not.

    Your prochoice is what's wrong with prochoice. Fetuses, babies, births, adoptions, abortions are all emotions that force hand.

    If you were truly prochoice as you claim your emotions would not be so strong. Absolute prochoice as you claim to be is abortion at stage right for woman and true prochoice is birth when right for woman.

    Your statements actually clarify you as antiabortion rather than prochoice. Abortion at all stages and birth wanted and not wanted will always be in the world.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:36 AM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • It doesn't and those that say such things are on the road to a pity-party for themselves trying to draw in others to feel sorry for them. I know a few couples that are trying to conceive and it is a painful process, but they are not bitter and angry at those in society that have what they want. There are many posters on this site that create such post, I usually ignore them.


    Answer by Knightquester at 11:43 AM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • Spoken like a woman who never dealt with the heart ache of infertility.

    I tried for nearly 6 years to get pregnant with my first. I was in a stable, long term marriage and planning to be a stay at home mom. At the time I was a CPS investigator. So, when I saw women who had kids and were abusing and neglecting them while I wanted was a child to love and care for you better believe I felt like life wasn't fair.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:36 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • If you want to rant about the heart break women suffer when they're dealing with infertility, I think that would have been better posted in your journal or in another topic. Posting it in the TTC section was insensitive.

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 3:52 PM on Jul. 13, 2009