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I have a male friend who tells me he 'tucks' his 13 yr old daughter to bed everynight and actually gets into the bed with her. Is this normal, or am I just being weird? (I don't know of any father that does this after a girl has started developing.) If this is not normal, how do I tactfully tell him he should probably tell her goodnight at the door?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:34 AM on Jul. 13, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (17)
  • Ummm, this sets off all kinds of red flags for me. My "dad" did this and all the while he was molesting me too. Now, I don't think you should jump to conclusions like that with your friend but be wary about it. He should not be getting into bed with her. Going in, tucking her in and giving her a hug/kiss is acceptable but NOT getting into bed with her. It's not appropriate at any age.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:36 AM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • I wouldn't jump to conclusions....but yeah, 13 is a little old for a child to be tucked into bed anyway. Maybe he's just one of those parents who refuses to believe their child is growing up. lol, the 13 year old is probably pretty sick of it! I know that's the age I started wanting nothing to do with my parents!
    ajguinn

    Answer by ajguinn at 11:37 AM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • I think that at 13 he shouldn't be getting into bed with her. But I don't think that you should jump to conclusions either.
    LaceyAM

    Answer by LaceyAM at 11:39 AM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • I don't think the tucking in is so bad but why is he getting into bed with her????
    drpepper73

    Answer by drpepper73 at 11:39 AM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • first of all I'd need more info. IS he a single dad that works weird hours? Or a career dad that works long days and thats the only time he sees her? I mean maybe they take 15 minutes out of the day and they chose bed time where he goes in tucks her in, asks about her day and lays on top of her covers and just chills with his child for a few minutes. You know not every man is a sex craved pervert or thinks incest when he sees his child. Some kids are closer to their dads than their moms. My husband occassionally goes into our teen daughters room lays on top of the covers with my daughter and helps her study for tests. Do I think this is weird? Nope. Do I think it's not innocent and he has evil intentions? Nope.
    pagirl71

    Answer by pagirl71 at 11:43 AM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • Also agreeing that we can't come to conclusions based on this, but he needs to also think of her feelings. He should not be doing anything that might give her weird feelings about her father, and climbing into bed with her just doesn't seem right. They could sit together on the sofa and talk about her day.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 11:47 AM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • My dad used to do this, he would lay on top of the covers next to me and tell me stories about his life. I have wonderful memories of that closeness, hearing the stories, getting to know him.

    mancosmomma

    Answer by mancosmomma at 11:54 AM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • We certainly can't assume he is doing anything wrong....but just the reactions of most of the posters alone should tell him something. If he is really getting all snuggly under the covers and having that kind of intimate moment with his daughter, it may be innocent but it does raise red flags for the general population in this country!
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 1:02 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • my husband and i take turns having snuggle time with our 13 year old. this is when we hear what is really going on in her life; we would not give this up...
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 1:06 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • Is it under the covers or just on top of the bedspread? The fact that he told you this might indicate that nothing sinister is going on. I would be OK with him on top of the bedcovers for a few seconds, maybe they're saying prayers.

    You should ask him gently and as casually as possible what exactly that bedtime routine entails. Of course if it is sinister, he's not going to tell you that and you'll probably never hear anymore about what he does with his daughter. But if he's just a doting, tender dad, maybe he might not want to tell people that he does this, because as you can see, he's raising a lot of eyebrows. And maybe he might want to have their cozy chats while sitting on her bed or snuggled on the couch before she goes to her room.

    Where's mom and what does she say?
    mama_k228

    Answer by mama_k228 at 1:32 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

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