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Question for the married ladies?

What do you ladies do when your marriage hits a rocky stage? Big or small? Any ideas or stories?

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Asked by belljaz at 12:35 PM on Jul. 13, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (8)
  • Sexually? Depends on demand or desire. Financially I demand sharing. Emotionally I demand sharing. My demands include time to talk without his commander the computer tv.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:37 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • when we have an issue whatever it is, we load up the kids in the truck and go for a drive and talk about it and what we can do to fix it and that usually works great for us

    Answer by looovemybabies at 12:39 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • Keep life moving along, even if you don't feel like talking. But start talking as soon as you can. When you bring up the problem, when it is time to talk it out, talk about it from your perspective- don't say YOU did this, YOU say that, say that MY feelings are hurt when you say that, or I feel lonely when you go out like that. Don't ever call names. Keep your voice calm. Don't bring up past problems- only discuss the present problem. Treat him at least as well as you would a friend, because he is after all, a friend. Treat him with respect, with gentleness.

    Answer by Bmat at 12:40 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • I repeat to myself "And this too shall pass" or I stay busy until there's a right time to talk. My husband is emotionally shut down and turns into a child when it comes to conflict and typically will get pissy and whiney go into the bathroom for a long time and smoke.
    So yeah I have to wait and wait for the "right time" to talk......We have a small house with 6 people and don't share a room because I snore. Our son keeps us together.
    With my first husband though we would go to bed early and just turn out the lights and talk about things in our relationship. That was nice because it always led to sex and made things nice for the next day.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:47 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • Another thing never say "you never do this or never do that" do not accuse eachother
    start out with something remotely positive and/or understanding. such as "look, I get it that you wanted to go out with your friends but you stayed out all night without calling and that was inconsiderate and it really scared me, how did I know you weren't rolled over in the ditch?"
    Refuse to give into a yelling match, if he starts to yell tell him you will listen when he is willing to talk.
    Do not say anything you have to take back later. Harsh nasty words tear at the soul of the marriage and cause alot of damage. If your in a Lull then time will pass and you will find yourselves back on the same page. maybe go away for the weekend, apart from eachother. Just remember every relationship has it's strains

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:55 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • when my hubby and I were only in the 2month stage after our married date. We had a really big fight. I ended up leaving to go with my mother for x-mas, and I was really debating on leaving him. I really thought that nothing could fix what had just happened. But he kept calling and calling me. finally i just listened to him and we figured it out.

    I think every marriage is going to have rocky stages but if its really meant to be ya'll will end up working it out. I know how it can feel when you and hubby are fighting and it feels like ya'll are at your end. But just remember talking (not yelling and accusing eachother) things out always helps.

    And another thing that my hubby and I have started doing since that big fight was we never go to sleep mad at eachother. Even if its 3am and he's asleep,I wake his ass up and talk to him. It has really helped us out.
    hope i helped

    Answer by Lovin_mybaby5 at 12:57 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • Sometimes we just need space from each other. DH will go out of town for the weekend and visit friends.

    Sometimes we just need some time alone together and we send the kids off to grandma's for the weekend and relax and get back in touch with each other.

    Other times there is an issue we need to deal with and come to an arrangement we can both live with. We usually negotiate something that will probably work, try it out for a while, and sit down later and talk about how it is working and see if we really can both live with it.

    Some times like a PP it is just a matter of telling yourself "this too will pass" and being committed to your marriage through the rough patches. All relationships just have their conflicts and their "off' times and you just have to muddle through and come out the other side stronger for it.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 1:46 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • Ok, normally I wouldn't put my two cents in b/c I don't usually feel qualified to do so, but there are some pretty common things that ppl say on a regular basis that I have come to completely disagree with.The biggest on is the whole "don't go to bed mad" thing. Now, I am SURE that this is ok for some ppl and I am not dissing on those that it works for, but it is NOT for everyone. Sometimes, you HAVE to go to bed mad, or pissed, or upset, etc. Talking at 3 in the morning might work sometimes, but being exhausted AND mad (or whatever) is a combination that doesn't always work. Sleep on it sometimes. Sleep in different beds even, if you have to. Wake up refreshed and look at the problem from a new angle. It's easier to see your own faults after that, too and easier to swallow pride and apologise for the things you screwed up... which is a good jumping off for making up, btw. ;) Just my opinion!

    Answer by other_mommy at 12:45 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

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