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My cousin has been divorced now for 6 yrs. She now has children 13 & 15. She and her ex still split the time (by splitting the week) & every other weekend. I feel sorry for the kids and think they would be more stable if only being in one enviroment Am I wrong or right?

I have young children and I'm still with their father but it seems to me that kids need stability, especially at 13 & 15, with of course, allowed as much time as wanted time to spend with the parent they do not live with. Their kids are not the most emotionally stable and I wonder if the back and forth thing contributes to this? The kids for the most part, don't complain because they are very spoiled children whose father is very wealthy. Does anyone know what the experts have to say on this topic?

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:38 PM on Jul. 13, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (5)
  • I tend to agree that it isn't best to split kids that way....I tend to agree that they need stability. However, they also need time with each parent and I imagine there are situations in which this can work. I would think the two parents have to be pretty cooperative and both have similar ideas. They should also live in the same area so the kids have ongoing access to their activities and friends. The teen years are hard and it would be easy to blame any problems the kids might have on this arrangement, but it is hard to know for sure. You do say they are spoiled, so how do you know if it is this arrangement or the fact that they are spoiled...or just the way their parents treat them in general...that contributes to the problem. I think most experts would say that the kids need a stable home life....but any expert can look at individual situations and see if that is working or not as well.

    Answer by BJoan at 12:49 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • we have friends who divorced when they had two young teen daughter. they rented a small apartment and the parents alternated weeks in the house with the girls

    Answer by rkoloms at 1:04 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • My SD spends half the week with us and half with her mom. Both her mom and dad are good loving parents and I think having equal time with both of them is the best of both worlds for her. I think this can work well if the schedule is regular and there is a good degree of consistency between households (similar values, standards, etc).

    Answer by riotgrrl at 1:40 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • It all depends on how the parents act and how much flexibility there is in the schedule. What works for one family may not work for others. I know people that have this same arrangement and it works fine, they live within minutes of each other, work together on discipline, etc. Also, it really isn't your choice or concern especially if the kids are doing fine with the arrangement.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 3:16 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • I don't know what experts say, but I know 13 and 15 year olds that are in stable family homes with their parents who are not divorced and get along, and yet the kids are still emotionally unstable. It may just be the age, especially if this is the arrangement they have learned to live with over time.

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 8:12 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

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