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What do I do about my son's birthday since my in-laws are difficult?

My son will be 2 soon and money is tight so I'd prefer to have a small party with only us and grandparents. Although my husband is an only child he has a huge extended family and his parents tend to push for big parties so they can invite all of them. They don't understand the cost of it (they never have parties and don't care about etiquette like having enough food, treat bags for kids, things for kids to do, etc.) My MIL told my husband that she didn't understand what I was trying to say when I talked to her about it. All I know is that she just does not listen to me-I want to say "you all pay for it!"I would like to buy my son much needed clothes and new bedding for his birthday instead of having to feed 50 relatives I hardly know. 4 years ago I wanted a private wedding and she did the same thing and it cost my parents 5000 dollars. What do I say to get the point across without hurt feelings?

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Momincollege23

Asked by Momincollege23 at 12:40 PM on Jul. 13, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 6 (135 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Say that you can't afford more than the number that you want. Say that if they want to invite more that they should have a party.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 12:43 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • tell her how it is,"We would love to throw him a big party but money is tight and I rather buys him things he really needs like cloths etc."
    looovemybabies

    Answer by looovemybabies at 12:44 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • Just say exactly that you cannot afford to have a party for more than you invited, so just your family and the grandparents. Tell her you would rather buy your son clothes instead of paying for a party! It's that simple, exactly what you said on here you turn around and tell her the same thing. If she still doesn't get it then you tell your DH to speak up and tell her that you guys cannot afford a party!! If they can't handle that then just have a small party with just your family.
    VasquezFamily

    Answer by VasquezFamily at 12:45 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • Why not have a party at 2 pm - in the afternoon and on the invitation just put - cake and ice cream will be served. Then just buy cake and ice cream. At 2 pm no one is really expecting lunch or dinner. This way you don't have to feel guilty about not having a huge party and there is really no extra expenses - other than a larger cake. And as for treat bags, you don't have to have them. If you feel like you must get something for the kids, buy nice suckers.

    I think "we" as parents want to have the huge parties - kids could care less!
    MaryAnne3mommy

    Answer by MaryAnne3mommy at 12:48 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • I would just be totally honest. I canNOT afford it - I want to buy my son needed clothes and when WE throw parties WE make sure to have enough food and treat bags - that's how YOU Like to do things. So NO, this year or until money is not as tight - you will be throwing a small get together unless they wanted to chip in financially. Do not spend money on food for guests when money is tight and deprive your child of much needed home things !!
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 12:50 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • Do a pot luck style. That's what we usually do for family and everyone brings something. That way you have all the people and only have to deal with the mess. Usually, everyone helps clean up before leaving, but I know not all people are that considerate.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:51 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • i to have a huge family and i feel guilty if i cant afford to invite everyone...so i do what the pp said to do we do a dish to pass and have a few people bring a couple bags of candy and dump them ina bowl so the kids can pick out the candy they like so that way everyone is happy.
    rainmommy

    Answer by rainmommy at 4:46 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • either be straight foward and tell her NO we want a small party with X amount of people or like the other ladies said make it a pot luck or just ice cream and cake i thought that was a good one... but at the end of the day this is your family and you should spend your sons birthday how you and he may enjoy it...
    mirit.rose

    Answer by mirit.rose at 5:18 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

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