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My MIL treats my older 2 kids different than the 2 kids I have w/her son. HELP!!

My mother in law only wants to spend time with my husband, and our two kids while not even greeting me or my older 2 kids. He won't tell his mother that her behavior is unacceptable because his father is mentally and physically abusive to her, and he feels bad confronting her. He feels caught in the middle, and I feel like he isn't standing up for the feelings of the older kids or me. I feel that she should either treat everyone with respect or she won't see any of us, but my husband won't step up. What can I do to convey to my husband that the older 2 kids need to be protected from her unfairness and that his mother is damaging them by excluding them - after all, he CHOSE to marry me WITH two kids, and our family unit should come first before ANY other family. My older kids are losing respect for him because he isn't defending them from being openly hurt. Any step kids out there that were treated unfairly that can help me??

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SheWolf866

Asked by SheWolf866 at 1:55 PM on Jul. 13, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (5)
  • Your husband is married to you and his responsibility is protect you and ALL your kids from anyone and is including your mother. Just because someone is abused doesn't give the right to treat people ignorantly.Tell your husband that unless all the kids are treated equally then none of them will see there grandmother. A little harsh yes but some people don't listen unless there is an ultimatum.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:58 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • I understand you completely. I expected something like this when I married my dh. I have 3 kids from my first marriage and we have one together. I never thought his parents would treat my kids as well as they do - they treat them just like their other grandkids! I don't have any suggestions for her other than for YOU to chat with her and see if you can find out why she feels like she does. Don't accuse her of anything, just say "I feel like my older two kids aren't getting the same amount of attention."
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 2:01 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • Why are you allowing ANY of your kids over to that hag's house? If she can't treat them all the same, then she shouldn't be allowed to be in their lives.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:25 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • Continued from above: And she doesn't even GREET you and the older kids?? Hell naw...I wouldn't allow my kids to be treated with such disrespect...my dad's mother used to treat my siblings and me the same way. She favored her other grandkids and not us. It hurts deep down...it really does. I wish to God my mom didn't make us go over to see her. Please don't subject your kids to cruel treatment. Take the kids to YOUR mom's house...show those children what a REAL grandmother looks like. My grandma (my mom's mother) was so kind to us!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:28 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • I have to agree with anon 28. If your MIL can't treat all the grandchildren with love then don't take them any longer. When she ask why you don't come over then explain that your older ones need attention and love just like the younger ones. It is not your DH fault nor yours that she is in a bad marriage. Your husband doesn't realize that he is teaching the children to take on guilt that has nothing to do with them. If your MIL uses the abuse as a way to guilt your DH that is NOT a healthy relationship and he needs to talk to her about it.

    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 4:48 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

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