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Seeing RED...bloody blood red...I am soooo mad!

Ok, most will think I am a major over reactor but here goes. Let me preface this by telling you all that my dad was found drown in his pool on July 5th...ruptured spleen made him pass out and drown. Needless to say this has been a very long week for me. Now my DD who is 18 and has always been a good girl, took it upon herself to pierce her own nose in her room last night. I realize this is a very in thing and she is 18. She is however under my roof, has a year left of school..catholic school I might add, did it knowing I would be mad and in the most unsanitary way she could think of...and now is shocked that I am pissed off. I am so mad I am shaking! I have had more stress than I can handle at this point. She is under my roof and needs to follow my rules...what do I do now? I really really cannot take one more damn thing!

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salexander

Asked by salexander at 2:25 PM on Jul. 13, 2009 in Just for Fun

Level 26 (28,366 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Sorry but after 18 your rules don't apply for this, she will adventually learn that by doing unsanitary or stupid things to annoy you will just be hurting herself, don't give into it.
    NicholeAT

    Answer by NicholeAT at 2:27 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • I know its hard and you are mad but at this point I would deal with my emotions for my father she is hurting too but also took advantage of your being upset over your father people react different to pain it might of been a spur of the min thing to make her happy I wish you luck and hope you can calm down go hug her after all she did wake up today you are blessed with another day with her Good luck

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:29 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • Perhaps she is just acting out due to the stress...you said she was always a really good girl...maybe she is have trouble coping with the loss as well...give her some time and extra attention.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:29 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • Well it's already done, but I disagree that after 18 she can do whatever she wants...especially if you have made it clear that while she is under your roof she needs to follow your rules. Now you can only wait til you calm down and explain to her why you are so angry about it and reiterate that she needs to follow your rules as longs as she is living there. She's in Catholic school, so I'm going to assume you are Catholic and suggest that you see if you can schedule a meeting with your Priest and see if he has suggestions for dealing with all of the stress you have going on right now. I'm so sorry for your loss.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:33 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • though I agree with you completely that she lives under your roof and should than follow your rules, you must keep in mind that at 18 she is going to want to do SOMETHING an 18 year old can do- I can't imagine why she would do it by herself though- I think that this could be her way of rebelling trying to get attention from you, chances are you have been depressed and not paying as much attention to her as you normally do without realizing it. I would talk to her, give her a hug, tell her you love her, than ask her to take it out. get it cleaned up so there is no infection and tell her once it heals in 8 weeks you will take her to get it done by a professional if she still wants it. chances are she won't. You would just be giving her the support and love she needs.

    judith_visco

    Answer by judith_visco at 2:34 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • You have so much on your plate right now. Take the time to focus on your feelings and grieving. Although your daughter lives under your roof, she is 18. Look at it this way...she can always take it out. It isn't perm. If she continues to act in ways that are unpleasing to you, tell her to either abide by the rules, or start to pay rent. But right now, the nose thing is SMALL compared to what you need to deal with...

    Have you tried to talk with her? Tell her that everything you are going through right now, you need her to help and support you...and by doing something knowing that you are in the state that you are in is no help at all, and not something you can handle right now. She's 18-she needs to show maturity...Good luck. And I am honestly so sorry for your loss.
    LaceyAM

    Answer by LaceyAM at 2:35 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • In our house it doesn't matter how old you are. My house, my rules. My kids were told all the time they werre growing up if they wanted to pierce anything besides ears they better wait until they moved out and when they came to our house there better not be anything hanging in the hole. Harsh? Maybe but it is our house. Dad told them point blank "do not disrepect our home that way when you know the rules" Here.. the nose ring would be taken out immediately or she can find a new place to live. It isn't about the piercing. It is about total disrespect. She knew the rules and did it anyway. If she is acting out due to Grandpas death she will soon learn there is a right and a wrong way. You are still close in thought and prayer.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 2:39 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • I agree that this is your house, your rules. I wonder if she isn't just acting out for attention. I know that seems like something a child would do, not an adult, but when we grieve, we revert to childish behavior sometimes. I think she should sit down and talk to her about how she is feeling. And you need to cope with the loss of your father, and help her cope too. You can be vulnerable around her. She needs to see that to a point right now. The two of you together can hopefully find a way to grieve.
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 3:08 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • sooo sorry about your dad...I'd focus on that right now.....but as for ur dd...i have a 17 year old and she tells me all the time she can't wait till she's 18 and she can do and not do what she wants and I tell her ....as long as u live in my house......this will not happen......teens are tough lil monsters aren't they...i'd much rather be potty training 3 toddlers.
    dottief13

    Answer by dottief13 at 7:41 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

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