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Am I the only one?

My DH and I are still on our first real real relationship. While we were still dating, he made a few mistakes, and a few times we almost broke up over them. He's never physically cheated on me, although he has broken my trust quite a few times. Including knowing a girl for three months and never telling me about her, and then towards the end of the three months going places with her, and lying to me telling me he was going with someone else. That particular instance hurts the most because that's the only time he's broken my trust while we've been married.

I'm just wondering if anyone else is unable to get over trust issues in relationships. It's been over a year since he broke my trust that one time... and it was his first time since we were married to break my trust, and I just can't seem to forgive him still... anyone have any advice for how to do this?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:42 PM on Jul. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Telling lies like your DH did.....would be enough for me to say bye bye...

    In my past relationships, I never hung around long after they betrayed my trust the
    first time..
    If they can look at you and lie, they can look at you again and lie...

    How can you forgive him, for me forgiving and forgetting is the key...
    sorry I just do not tolerate that crap...

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:50 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • Im in the same situation exept reversed, I never cheated but have had a guys friend that was a ex, he still isnt over that. It is very hard on both of us we are currently fighting cause I spoke to a old friend on facebook, who was always NOTHING MORE THAN A FRIEND, but his trust issues are still very bad and I know I was in the wrong even saying hi to a old friend but I dont know how much more fighting, yelling in front of the kids I can take from him I love him very much but im sick of feeling the way I am feeling. (PS I am the one who wrote ' I am Sad' From erlier today)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:51 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • Oh Lord. DF and I started dating when we were young...21. I am now 26 and he is 28. The first few years of dating we had our ups and downs...we both cheated but we really weren't ready to settle either. We finally were good for about a solid 2 years than I got pregnant. We are commited, neither of us go out or do the crazy things we used to do...but I do remember when we became serious I was still always having trust issues. I would go through his phone on occasion and so on. It takes TIME. And you wanting it to work. We are now engaged and getting married in the fall. I trust him. But every once on a while I will have a crazy thought :) You just have to keep everything in the past and move forward.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:53 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • I should say that he never looked at me and lied. We were living in different states, and the next time I saw him he came clean about the friend he made, saying he was affraid I'd leave him if he'd told me that he was hanging out with a girl, because we were in different states and I wasn't there to meet her myself.
    But more to the point, I'm wondering how to get past the trust issue.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:54 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • Sorry didn't read the married part...If my DH did that I don't think I would continue. You break the marriage vows in my book and you are out the door. Period.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:59 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • The thing about a relationship is that trust is the one of the most important keys to keep it together. If you do not trust him, then your relationship is always going to be rocky and always going to be on the brink of destruction. You need to get away and be by yourself, if only for a few hours, to answer this question honestly. If you really want to continue on in the relationship, then you need to tell yourself that he is not going to do this again. He said it is the last time and he means it. If you can't believe it, then you need to go. He was hiding her for one reason or another and if you feel that you can not trust him again, than there is no point in saving the relationship. I am so sorry you have to go through this.

    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 3:50 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • I don't think you'll ever fully get over trust issues. Mine broke my trust once over 14 years ago, and It still hurts and I still have trouble with trust. Sorry wish I could have been more optimistic.
    lighthousemom3

    Answer by lighthousemom3 at 5:03 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • I have the same problem. I have caught my boyfriend in soo many lies and I never trust him. I have never had anyone lie to me as many times as he does, and this is the person I'm in love with. Wtf?
    MomAt15woah

    Answer by MomAt15woah at 5:04 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • I completely understand why you still can't trust him, I am the type where it takes me a long time to forgive let alone forget about what happened. That's a big deal and he should be understanding enough that if you aren't quite ready to let go of it then too bad. If he wants your marriage to work and is willing to stick around when you're feeling inscure or unsure about things then he will, if not then you're better off. Its easier said than done, but really think about it, you know what you deserve and it's happiness.
    Devin0414

    Answer by Devin0414 at 6:42 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • I married a man who lied during our dating. I didn't find out until we were married. I let it go. Then things happened in our marriage, he lied and I told him it was it. That was almost 10 years ago, and we worked it out. It's almost 18 years for us. I do trust him, but there is always a part of me that is waiting for the other shoe to drop, logically my  head knows that's in the past, but my heart isn't so sure...

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:41 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

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