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Does Your Husband/BF treat your kids differently than he treats his (biological) children?

I have a daughter from a previous relationship. Of course, my bf knew this when he decided to enter into a relationship with me. Things were fine at first, he would take her to the store to get candy & would always spoil her with things she wanted. But now we have a 1 yr old daughter together. I noticed when I was pregnant with our daughter he started treating my daughter differently. And now its even worse than before. He doesnt whoop her anything like that but he yells at her alot & doesn't give her much attention. He bosses her around & doesn't show her any love. I'll admit he doesnt even give our daughter much attention either but he will love on her and play with her from time to time. I definitely see the difference as to how he treats the two of them. It's so jacked up. And he tells me if we ever break up then he wont be in my older daughter's life. (her biological father has never been in her life).. CAN ANYONE RELATE?

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:30 PM on Jul. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • OMG!!! WTF what is wrong with this guy he should love them the same it's not like your daughter is not in his life he sees her everday right?

    If I were you I would have to have a serious talk to him (that is if he ever sees what you are saying) he'll probably say stuff like...I don't do that your crazy...Next time you notice this call him on it that way he can't deniy it...Good Luck hope things go wel with no problem.

    The only thing I can think of is that at first with your daughter it was an experience for him but now he has a daughter his flesh and blood (I know that does not seem fair) but that is the way it is.
    But he should continue to love your daughter just as much as both your daughter. Just keep doing things together or make him do things together. Just don't focus on the negative it will all workk out just fine keep your chin up...

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 3:44 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • My DH treats his son differently than my son. My son lives with us his does not. Its not a bad different just different. He loves my son I know that but not the same way he loves his son. My son has a father who is a good dad "craappy husband" so it all works for us. Good Luck I know that step parenting is the hardest job in the world.

    Answer by dillonsma at 4:33 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • Yes.

    Answer by lighthousemom3 at 4:58 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • My stepfather was the same way. He and my mom were together from when I was 2 year old and he was exactly like a father to me all my childhood, until I was 8 and my brother was born. Then it seemed like he only wanted my mom, brother and later my sister around. Three years in a row he found reasons to "ground" me from holiday dinners and even Mother's days - he would literally take my mom and the other kids out for brunch and leave me at home. And I wasn't a bad kid, it would be for things like stretching the phone cord too far or being in the bathroom too long. All these years later though, it's not him I'm angry at. Its my mom for letting it happen.

    Answer by MommyAddie at 5:22 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • IF you break up, why should he be in your daughter's life? It's not his kid.
    I treat my step-kids slightly different, because the ex wife is a bitch and I can't treat them the same with discipline or love because I get shit about it either way. Besides, I love my son more than my stepkids, it's natural; they aren't mine. Plus we only see them every other weekend. I would never have anything to do with them if my husband and I got divorced.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:47 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • Anon 4:47 - some people care enough about children to put differences aside and continue relationships with them even in the event of a break up. Try to see it from the child's point of view - you didn't break up, the adults did. My stepfather was in my life from the time I was 2 until I was an adult and then when he and my mom divorced he cut all contact with me and it devestated me. My boyfriend has 2 kids with his ex-wife and she has a younger son with another man. My boyfriend treats him exactly the same as his own children and we consider this little boy a brother to the twins i'm pregnant with now. It really benefits children when the adults can put themselves aside and think of the kids.

    Answer by MommyAddie at 7:34 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • My dh treats my kids at least as good, if not better, than he treats our biological son. And while we don't plan on divorcing, if anything ever happened to me, it would devastate him that my kids would have to go live with their bio dad instead of my dh. I wouldn't be with him if he didn't treat my kids well - he can take care of himself, my kids can't

    Answer by missanc at 8:06 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • Try to understand this...your daughter is not his kid. He has no connection to her apart from you. If not for you, he wouldn't even bother being a part of her life.

    Child #2 is his own flesh and blood. He feels a binding commitment to this child, and real paternal instinct as opposed to just babysitting.

    It doesn't make it right, but it's something to wrap your mind around.

    Answer by Mousuke at 2:20 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

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