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What is WRONG with me and how do I fix it--or am I too defective to live? I'm serious, here.

I've never seemed to have accomplished anything right in my life. I'm near 40 years old, can't drive for medical reasons, my children are special needs and I'm overweight. For reasons that I can't really understand or seem to fix but have deeply, deeply ashamed of all my adult life, I'm a lousy housekeeper. Our house looks like a tornado hit it. Because my children are about 3/4 potty-trained, there is poop smeared on the walls, unwashed floors, dirty dishes in the sink, unwashed laundry, filthy toilets....Ever heard of C.H.A.O.S.--Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome? I HATE this house and this life, but I'm stuck here with two dependent children. My husband can at least leave, but I can't.

Now, after having been in and out of therapy (currently out) and on and off antidepressants (currently on, but they give me hives--nobody seems to care about that), I have begun starving myself. Now what?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:05 PM on Jul. 13, 2009 in Health

Answers (8)
  • Actually, I wasn't done. My husband will go over the edge if he finds out, and find out he must. I don't understand my own motives, but can't seem to stop starving myself. At least I can accomplish this. Yes, I know this is the start of an eating disorder. Yes, I know this is horrific and damaging and all the rest. Yes, I know I could die. So what? Maybe I should. I'm a pain weenie. I'd probably be a cutter if I could stand the pain. This at least doesn't hurt.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:08 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • I can tell you from experience that a special needs child can wear you down. my dd has autism, but I can also tell you that I believe they are sent to ONLY the special parents....some parents wouldnt be able to deal. ;)

    You sound really down, maybe you need to seek a different type of therapy or medicine....just to get you up and on your feet....

    And realize that their is more to life than a clean house or the size of your pants....and also realize that though your children have special needs, they also have special gifts....you just may have to look harder to find them ;) I believe that where God takes away, he replaces in a different area.

    Look some help mom, your kids need you ;)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:10 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • ummm...maybe you should ... ummm i dont know.
    there is no excuse for having poop smeared on the wall and filthy toilets...
    rubipresiosa1

    Answer by rubipresiosa1 at 6:14 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • I don't know what it feels like to walk in your shoes but I can't only imagine what a hard time you are having and I'm sorry. But if your going to starve yourself you might as well eat something healty like veggies at least they will give you energy, and as for a dirty house make a goal to clean one area each day and just know you accomplished something will make you happier and will give to motivation, as for not being able to drive that really sucks, but have to tried going on walks with your children that way you can get your exercize and get out of the house at the same time. Life is not an easy but it is what you make it, and if you are feeling so down and can't take it anymore pray to God and he will help you he will all you have to do is ask for help he is your father and you are his child so just speak to him from your heart and he will help you, I'm sorry about what your going through and I wish you the best of luck.
    looovemybabies

    Answer by looovemybabies at 6:32 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • You need to get some help. As in, someone who could watch the kids for you for a few hours occassionally. Everyone needs a break! I'm sure once the house gets to that point it's overwhelming to think about cleaning. Just make a list of all the areas of the house (break it into small areas) and focus on one part each day. One day, clean the walls. The next day, clean the toilets. The next day, do the dishes. Or whatever you can handle. If that's your goal, and you attain it, you'll feel better about things. I would also talk to your doctor about your thoughts and what's going on. They may be able to help you. Also, your husband has got to be aware of the problems (how do you not notice the chaos??) so ask if he would be willing to help out as well.
    goldenfox

    Answer by goldenfox at 7:00 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • You need to go to a different doctor and get on a different antidepressant. When you go, bring a written list of things that you want to talk about, a list of your concerns. This will help you accomplish what you need to accomplish during your visit. You also do need to get back into therapy. If not one-on-one, then find a group that you can join.

    As the above poster said, exercise can help, but I know that when you are depressed it is really hard to feel motivated enough to do this.

    I really hope that you are able to make some positive steps in your life.
    evwsquared

    Answer by evwsquared at 7:02 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • ive been in ur shoes hun i can symthsize the depression tornado alley houe except i had animals on top of it. the first thing u need to do is call family and neighbors and see if they can help clean the house this will help u feel better, then quit taking the medican ur on if its giving u hives that a allerigic reaction not healthy for ya, then u need to set down with hubby and figure out how u as a couple can get the kids potty trained the rest of the way...my friends boy is austic and she used the reward system for him for anything he does good or does as he is told he gets a small reward
    i now speacial needs kids arnt easy but they r worth it, now as for urself u dont say what ur medical problem prevents u form driving, but u need to find someway to get away from the house and the kids at least 1-2 hrs a day...if hubby can leave as he pleases then so should u when hes home to watch the kids.
    rainmommy

    Answer by rainmommy at 10:24 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • Alright I'm gonna be as nice as possible about this, I mean that. I have a family member that is a big woman and that doesn't stop her from getting things done. She's I assume 450-500 lbs. and she's a beautician. She gets up everyday and goes and cuts hair at her salon. Then comes home and takes care of her 96 yr. old mother that can't do anything. Plus on top of that, she has 3 kids and 6 grandkids, one having mental problems. That grandkid actually is with her alot. She manages a business, 3 kids, a mother that is 96 yrs. old, 6 grandkids, and other thing's inbetween. Recently just lost a grandkid on top of that. Life is what you make of it. People can't set around feeling sorry for theirself. Only change how their lives are going if they don't like it. I hope you get some help with some of your issues and take charge of your life. Remember you only have 1 life to live. I am a young mother of 4. Age 26
    Rachelle2283

    Answer by Rachelle2283 at 12:56 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

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