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Need some advice regarding my infant son and his "father."

I live in Michigan. I have an infant that is only a few months old. We were never in a relationship and then he stopped talking to me unless absolutely necessary when I was pregnant. Even so, I tried so hard to make it work with us as friends. I allowed himto even be at the hospital when I had my baby and let him come over whenever, and his family. He started out coming two times a month, and gave me money for those two months. By the third month ...everything changed. Now its a big argument over money. He has not seen his baby in almost 2 months. Now he says that he wants to get the baby every other weekend in a few months, OVERNIGHT too. He lives with his girlfriend in a one bedroom apartment. Never has offered any type of help. In total he has seen his son about 8 hours. He does not seem to understand how stupid he sounds to want to have any type of physical custody when he knows nothing about babys and has not been around.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:01 PM on Jul. 13, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (91)
  • I would not let my child go. Your baby doesnt know him. Im sure being with strangers is scary for babies too
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:04 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • also want to add that when he has come to visit, i have never hounded him about money. I have always kept it very friendly and given him space to hold the baby. There is no reason for him to think that after only a couple visits it is now time for him to just get to take my baby that I have given everything to. I love and care for my child every single day. I have given up things while he is out buying things for his girlfriend and tells me that he cannot afford his bills and to pay me very much....but he makes a VErY good income for being in his early twenties.
    I guess my question is that if anyone has been in this situation and ended up in court, what the outcome was. i do not plan to go to court, at this point I want nothing to do with him anymore, he disgusts me and I would rather work ten time harder without him to support my child. I just hope the courts would understand my fears about him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:05 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • (cont.)If HE went. I would hope they would see that he is asking for the easy way out. He also says that his gf does not want him over around me. I told him that is not my problem, he can work that out with her, I dont want to be with him, and if she has a problem with him seeing his child then she has issues with herself. I dont know why any woman would want a man that does not take care of his other responsibilitys.

    Sorry to ramble. If anyone has a similiar situation your advice is greatly appreciated.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:07 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • courts are not gonna understand your fears about him!! i went thru this thru court..and it sucked BIGTIME!! i went in thinking there was no way the judge was gonna give my ass of an ex anything..yaaa, boy was i wrong..it started off as 6hrs every saturday, then went to overnights, then 2 over nights..its a big whole long story that i dont feel like getting into on here..but if ya message me wanting to know more, i'll be more than happy to let ya know everything that happened..i do regret it tho!!!!and boy, do i regret it!!
    alexis_06

    Answer by alexis_06 at 11:10 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • well I am in kind of the same situation except its different. My DD's father also has another child, a son. His mother always comes at my SO with the crap that he only comes into her sons life every 12 days(every other weekend). Im sorry, but that doesnt make him any less of a father. She took him to court for child support and he does pay her. But sometimes, he has to work overtime and we need the money so he takes what he can get and ends up only having his son for one day out of the weekends. Anyways, personally I think you should give the man a chance, let him know that if he is going to be involved you would like some kind of consistant support for the majority of the time the baby is with you. He cant just play daddy and not pay for it too. If you think he makes good money then take him to court, agree to keep reciepts of everything you spend, so he knows its on his son... i will cont.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:12 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • I wouldn't allow an infant to have overnight visitation. BUT that is the child's father, and there is no quotation marks about it! He can easily assert his rights if he senses that you are trying to keep him from seeing his child. Yeah, he's been out of the picture for two months, but the child is only a few months old! There's plenty of time for the father to "catch up". Try to encourage him to have visitation at your house for a little while.

    And you should be going to court to discuss custody. The way things are now, your baby's father can show up and take the child for a visitation and not return him, and he has the right to. He's the father. If you want to have joint custody, or sole physical custody and joint legal custody, etc, you should get everything in writing.
    Fallaya

    Answer by Fallaya at 11:15 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • The courts will figure out what he NEEDS to pay to make it equal and if they have a child support website for your state you can get an estimate, but it probably wont be accurate. Also keep in mind, if this is your first chid, you need to remember that there was a time that you dint know much about being a mother, yes some comes with the motherly instinct, but some doesnt and you had to learn what you didnt know. I remember a time when my DD was about 2 weeks old and would cry and cry and cry, we BOTH ( me and DD) had to learn how to deal with it. Atleast give him the chance, he might be a better father then you might think. Also the girlfriend thing, tell him all you want is to get to know her. Me and my So's sons mother get along great because we talk and she knows where I stand on issues and she knows I wont let anything happen to her son. I know when we need to get her approval for things and i make it happen...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:17 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • cont. again lol sorry.... But if it were up to my SO, he would just do the things to piss her off and I make sure that doesnt happen so they deal with things civilaly(sp?) ... In the beginning of support, he refused to pay, but because I didnt want anything to happen to my SO, and I knew she paid for everything on her own, I made him pay, or I sent the payments in myself (from his account of course).... Anyways, girlfriends arent always bad things.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:19 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • By the way, I agree with Fallaya, that happened to my friends son, his dad took him and didnt bring him back ( eventually he did) but when she called the cops, they said do you have custody papers and when she said no, they told her there is nothing they can do because he is the father and he has every right to take him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:21 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • well the way things are now..he is not even on the birth certificate. There is quotations bc I do not believe a man should be able to play "catch up". I certainly do not hand my baby to someone for a few months and catch up later. I have nver said he cannot see his child, I am just going to be in the same house when it happens bc he has no idea what to even do with a child...a BABY. Im not being jealus, or a bad person,I truly feel my child would be neglected if with him. In order to be a father you have to DO something. DNA means nothing if you are not around. But that is just my opinion. I do not even want his money anymore, if he doesnt want to be around then its better that way. I will not beg someone and i cant change people. I can only do the best I can as a mother.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:21 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

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