Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

She left her children,

I live with my boyfriend and his two kids. We have lived together for 2 years. The kids call me mom and tell me they love me every day. We are a happy family and i understand these kids are not mine... But we all make a great team.

Here is where the situation is... The kids mother dropped them off at my bf's mothers house 5 years ago and never looked back. She never called or wrote them for five years. They are now 9 and 10 and they tell me they are happier then they ever have been....
Now, The mother calls us... She wants to speak to her children. I feel very uncomfortable because i love these kids as my own and they haven't seen her in 5+ years. She wants to be apart of their life. I know for a fact she will just leave again, the only reason she wants something to do with them is because she realizes the kids are very close with me. I don't feel as though this is right at all. She is realizing what she lost. what can i do?

Answer Question

Asked by the_call_me_MOM at 11:08 PM on Jul. 13, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Nothing you can do but let the kids know that you are always there for them, and be there when she leaves again to pick up the pieces.

    Something your SO can do, however, is file for full custody of the children on grounds of abandonment by the mother, and perhaps have her parental rights taken away.

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 11:12 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • I agree with carolynbarnett. Have her charged with abandonment. It should have been done long ago. She's just going to hurt them and confuse them. I'd call a child psychologist and ask what they think is the best thing to do. I would not allow them to talk to her until someone can tell me what's in the best interest for the children's well being emotionally.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:17 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • My bf has full custody but the mother calls often. Trying to get him to help her get on her feet so she can be "Stable" and see the kids. I think hes confused what to do as well. A big part of it is shes jealous of the four of us, she admitted to me the only reason she had kids was to keep the kids father.

    Answer by the_call_me_MOM at 11:20 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • As much as it hurts, you have to let the mother have a relationship with the kids. You have no authority to tell her no.


    Answer by ReneeK3 at 11:29 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • I don't want to tell her not to see her children. I just don't want her to come in their life for a week and dissapear again for years.

    Answer by the_call_me_MOM at 11:32 PM on Jul. 13, 2009

  • If she abandoned them and they have not seen her why aren't her rights terminated? I know every state it different but if she has been gone with no contact for over 5 years she is no longer those kids mom. I would see if you can get her rights terminated and you can adopt the kids. You are the mom you have been there to dry tears, feed them, care for them when sick and love them. She left them and did not look back she is not a mother just a host that carried them for 9 months then hurt them by leaving. Dads lose rights all the time for doing the same thing moms should not be treated any different. I would not let her see the kids make her go to court.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:23 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • I would also take legal action. I wonder too if you shouldn't ask the kids what they want. They understand by now who she is, and would probably have a decent grasp on the situation. I would ask them what they feel comfortable with. If they don't want to see her, then have your husband tell her that she can see the kids when she has a court order.

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 1:42 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • really there is nothing you can do. Even if you were their legal step mom. You catn not keep these kids from their mom no matter how crappy she was in the past. These kids are old enough to figure out whats she's doing. And if she does it again they will then no know matter how much it hurts who she really is.

    Answer by pagirl71 at 9:18 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.