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Advice/Recommendations?...

I am looking to adopt but I would like to adopt a 12 month old or over. I specifically do not want a newborn(no offense). I am definately thinking of foster to adopt, but the thing is...how do you do it? Since the number one goal is reunification, how do you get attached and then let go? Are there adoption agencies that specifically work with older children adoptions and not newborns? Any recommendations? Thank you in advance.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:31 PM on Jul. 13, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (9)
  • Well, the first thing you will learn is that wanting a 1 yr old is practically the same as wanting a newborn. Most children in the foster care system who are legally free for adoption are ages 7 or 8 or above. Any child under age 6 or so is in pretty high demand. Adoption agencies dont consider 1 yr old's "older adoptions",
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:02 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • Since the number one goal is reunification, how do you get attached and then let go?
    _________________________________________________________________________

    And that is the #1 reason we DID NOT adopt from foster care. People, especially BMoms through here, advocate for it demonizing infant adoption, but there would be no way I could bring a child into my home, have that parental love and attachment form, and then just say good-bye.

    If you want a child under the age of 5, you're more than likely going to have a long wait and many heartbreaks, or there will be reasons to make this child a hard placement, such as handicap or severe developmental and/or behavioral problems.

    Sorry though, I do not have any recommendations for you in agencies that deal with younger adoptions from foster care. Good luck!! :-)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:19 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • I've done foster care for 9 years now & 60+ children and during that time I've had 2 sibling groups & 1 single come up for adoption. The youngest was the one group which were 2, 3 & 4. (We're foster only) You do become attached to the children but after the first few you finally get it that you're only temporary. That they are often best off with their bp if possible. You do the best you can to help the child and then when they leave you realize that there are more children who need your love and help so you move on. If you're wanting to adopt a younger child then I'd consider a sibling group of 3 or more if possible. You can usually find a group that range from 2 - 9 and they want to keep them together but usually people only want 1 or 2.

    Our county agency is wonderful to work with. You can request to only have children placed in your home that they believe will come up for adoption. It's not a guarantee.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 9:56 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • There is no way around the fact that with foster care, comes loss. But, just as in other life situations, it's the HOPE that you can add a beautiful child or more to your family that allows you to take the risk. There is no guarantee when you get pregnant that you will carry the baby full-term. What if you lose the baby? Could you never try again? If you have a healthy baby, is there a guarantee that you will see them live to 18? No, they could die from accident or illness. Do you wish you had never had them, or known them, even if the time was short? Yes, there is loss, but you deal with it, it makes you sensitive to the needs of others, and you will be surprised at what you can handle. We wanted to adopt thru foster care, but there is no easy way about it. What gets you thru it, is seeing innocent babies/children who NEED YOU to "stand in the gap" between a TRAUMATIC removal from all they've ever known...
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 12:36 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • (Con't) to finding a sense of hope and normalcy with you, until they either go home to an improved living situation with their own parents, or extended family who have graciously stepped up for the child, or those whose parents' rights have been terminated, and now they are available for adoption. You bond with these children because it's healthy for them, and every child deserves it. Has my heart been broken, yes, but I got thru it, because after one left, another needed me more. It's not an easy way to adopt, we knew we might not be able to do it for decades like so many other self-less foster parents, but we thought we could do it until.....until God added the child or children to our family that He had chosen for us. After that, we will stop and go about raising our child or more just like everyone else. It's not a job, it's a blessing. JMHO.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 12:45 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • There are kids in the foster care system that are already up for adoption. They are sibling groups or kids over 4 years old or special needs which could be something minor or something major. The biggest issue I would have is attchment issues. My SS was passed around as a toddler and has Reactive Attachment Disorder from it. Its a lot to work with but, he is getting passed it.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 2:24 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • I really praise people who do foster care adoptions.. I hope to become a part of it someday. It has to be really hard to let go, but just think of the difference you made in their lives! I guess I won't really know until I've experienced it...

    Sorry I can't give you much advice!
    rainfalls

    Answer by rainfalls at 12:51 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • go to www.adoptuskids.org

    These children are available for adoption. They are considered "hard to place" mostly because of age or siblings. Each child has a caseworker to contact listed.

    motherofhope98

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 5:54 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • I have been doing fostercare for 18 years,out of that I have adopted 3 of them,yes, it is hard,there used to be a network for adopting older kids and some babies,it's called SWAN, SWAN will even help you with the adoption and lawyers fee,they were a great help for my family.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:53 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

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