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is it the same as cheating?

ok ive been with my BF for going on 3 years. he has always has quite the dirty magazine collection. at the beginning of our relationship i didnt care so much. but now it makes my blood boil! if you can have fantasies about all these other women why n the f*** are you with me. i am in no way a size 1, i think if thats what you want go get it. he says its not like that but it sincerely hurts me bad, sometimes i even think of leaving him..any advice???

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:02 AM on Jul. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • In my opinion it is cheating. Tell him how you feel and if he doesn't want to stop looking at those things then I would recommend finding someone who would give you the respect you deserve. Not all guys look at those things. There are some decent guys out there.

    Answer by Samantha_1629 at 4:16 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • Brunos u what does Lisa frank have to do with this question??? Am I missing something?

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:24 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • I personally would not tolerate that kind of reading material in my home. I know many would call me uptight, but its simply inappropriate for our family. I dont do smut in the house. My husband hasnt ever gotten into that type of stuff anyway, so its not too hard. Once they start, it can be hard to stop. If it really bothers you, as you have said it does, then sit down with him and explain. Being that you were okay with it in the beginning, then he likely feels its okay. So tell him how you feel. Do it lovingly, respectfully. You dont want him to get defensive about it, so approach it gently. Be specific on how it makes you feel. Ask him if you and him could negotiate this differently. As far as cheating, I believe its an unrealistic view of women and it definitely puts walls up in marriages. Whether its cheating or not, I dont know, but its not good if one person is feeling badly about it. Good luck...........

    Answer by momofsaee at 4:43 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • Well, if it were me, I would take that garbage and throw it where it belongs... the trash.

    Then you need to talk to him and tell him how it makes you feel. I'm the same way in my relationship... there is no room for trashy magazines, porn or anything of that nature.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:45 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • IMO, it's just porn! Could be worse!!! I enjoy looking at those however so I guess to each their own!

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:52 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • My dh was VERY into porn when we met. I told him how I felt about it, and he stopped - got rid of all his DVD/videos, no more magazines. You need to tell him how it makes you feel. Don't just tell him you don't like it, tell him how demeaning you find it, how it hurts you.
    You were okay with it when you started dating, what makes it different now?

    Answer by missanc at 8:22 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • The problem here is that you tolerated it in the begining and now you do not like it..

    For me personally I would not have gone out with someone like you described period..

    Don't listen to oh it is just porn crap it could be worse..

    The problem is you do not like it ...and the real problem is that you allowed it in the begining..

    I would talk to your SO, you can not exspect him to just stop unless he really wants to and if he
    does do it for you...he will most likely sneak it behind your back.

    If he does not want to give up his dirty crap you need to ask yourself if you can live with it..
    and if you can not live with need to be with someone who does not find that stuff important or a part of his life..

    good not settle...

    Answer by Dannee at 9:30 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • You guys need to talk about this. But calmly and without putting him down for having fantasies. Everyone has fantasies, it's normal.

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 10:43 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • Honestly, I don't think it's cheating. Why does it bother you now? did something change? I would most definetly discuss it with him. Guys do have fantasies which shouldn't be judged, unless he's throwing it in your face, that's another story. good luck to you!

    Answer by Sillylins at 2:19 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

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