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Problems making friends with other parents?

Do certain moms ever make you feel uncomfortable? I don't know what it is, but my neighbor has older boys and I feel dumb whenever I talk to her. I have nothing much to say and we have nothing much in common. But for some reason, I feel like a child around her and we are about the same age. You know those people that always have a smiling face on and you can't judge their reaction to certain things? And if you say something that they disagree with, they won't tell you. Like they are constantly being politically correct? And you are just being yourself? I don't know what it is but when ever I finish seeing her outside, I get this nagging feeling like I acted dumb. I mean, is it because we are in competition with each other? I don't know what it is, that nagging feeling... Anyone else know what I'm talking about or is this all jibberish?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:10 AM on Jul. 14, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (10)
  • It doesn't sound like she's interested in dealing with you as a friend, so don't worry about it. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
    SWasson

    Answer by SWasson at 7:31 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • If you don't feel comfortable around her then be polite when you see her but don't go out of your way to become friends.
    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 7:36 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • i wouldnt try to be someone i'm not just to make a friend. just continue to be yourself whether she is in your presence or not. if you make a friendship, great. if not, that's ok too. it's better to have a handful of great friends instead of a boatload of wishywashy women with baggage. nobody wants to be around a bunch of judgemental women with lots o baggage.
    jewjewbee

    Answer by jewjewbee at 7:45 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • Dont worry about her you dont want to be friends w/ someone who is acting real. I like it when a mom tells me what they r thinking or that they disagree w/ me, dosent mean we have to not like eachother or be rude to eachother just means we r sharing our thoughts & comparing our notes as being moms. I def try to filter what I say though I dont try to be someone else but I try to not overwhelm someone else w/ telling them my life story right off the bat or w/ asking them 20 questions on something. You'll find other moms who r more willing to be real w/ u & be ur friend dont worry.
    Mel30248

    Answer by Mel30248 at 7:55 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • I think I know what you mean!

    There is one neighbor who is about 10 years younger than me, but her daughters are older than my sons! When talking to her (which is a RARE occurrence as I don't exactly go out of my way to strike up a conversation) she has the perpetual smile, laughs at everything I say, yet HARDLY contributes to the conversation.

    I know for a fact she is a backstabber, and I really feel she is just a "gossip gatherer" and is waiting to hear something about me or someone I know to use it as "dirt" on someone else!

    She is a very superficial, vapid person, which is why I don't pay her any attention. Besides, her girls are bratty princesses at the ages of 9 and 6--she'll have her day when it all comes back to bite her in the rear!!! LOL

    You would be wise to listen to your gut. If she makes you feel inferior, avoid her.....there is no rule that says you HAVE to like your neighbors!!!
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 8:34 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • It would be easy to know that she's a backstabber or something like that. But it's not the problem. Maybe it's the way I come off too. When I moved into the neighborhood, I told people about my career, and I got the feeling after a while that its a bad thing to do since most people are SAHM's and could have felt threaten. Maybe I was sounding all "showoff'ish." And so... I don't know why she bothers me so much. I know from other people in the neighborhood that she is a self starter and works very successfull at home. But she's never mentioned it to me. So I guess we have nothing much to talk about in that she doesnt' want to share. It's not like I want to be friends or anything. I just feel like that little girl in grammer school that wants to be accepted whenever I'm around her...and I should just grow up and get over it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:46 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • yes.. its crazy.. they are so uptight and dont really know how to look at you.. they have a weird look on there face most of the time, looking around to see whos looking, and even if you are a popular mom at the school or whatever they are so weirded out by what going on.. an then you have the ones that act like there childern and you cant get away cause you dont want to be rude or you are where you were b*tchn about in the first place..
    ArlieBeeMee

    Answer by ArlieBeeMee at 8:53 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • I know about the career thing. My friend gave me good advice: don't talk about your job. She said it is not a negative, but if you are friendly with SAHMs, they don't have the interest in your job. Remember that not all neighbors are going to be friends. Be friendly, and neighborly! Sometimes it takes awhile to warm up to others. Because you don't have much in common, just keep it friendly and leave it at that. It does not sound like she's a backstabber, more like you both are at different points in your lives with kids and their ages, and what you do for work, and what she does at home. I would not take offense, just smile and wave!!!

    Teachermom01

    Answer by Teachermom01 at 9:32 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • I have a hard time making friends period. I only have 1 really close friend that I spend time with (when we both can). I know some of my neighbors and I'm friendly with them. But I also have issues going out of my way to be friends with other parents because I seem to parent with an unpopular philosophy...I like to let my kids be free. We don't do a million organized activities and I refuse to keep them locked in the house for their own safety. They spend most of their time outside "unsupervised" and that's looked down upon by many parents. A lot of them won't let their kids play with mine, especially come over to our house because I won't be watching their every move.
    justanotherjen

    Answer by justanotherjen at 10:45 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • There will always be other Mom that make you feel like you are not good enough or not mature enough. Some will look at you badly for having too few children and some for having too many children. Be yourself and if someone doesn't like you then find someone that does. My children have friends that I don't get along with their Moms as friends. That doesn't mean I don't like them or don't trust them with my children it just means we don't have enough in common other than being a mom. Just be yourself.
    tietwinsmom

    Answer by tietwinsmom at 5:25 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

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