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Need some advice quickly please!

So I put my son, who will be 4 at the end of August, in daycare in this lady's home starting a month ago just three days per week. All was well the first couple weeks, then he started getting really upset whenever I would drop him off, clingy, saying over and over I love you, like he was never gonna see me again or something.

He's told me a few times how the kids (her kid and a special needs kid) pick on him; take his stuff, push him down, knock his head against the wall, but it doesn't seem like a big deal and whenever i pick him up, he's having fun.

Now, my HUGE concern is that yesterday I came to pick him up... he was playing with one of her kids with a kitten, having a blast like normal. Well, we get out into the car and I'm buckling him in and he says "Amber squeezed my neck two times and it hurt" and he's grabbing his throat. Amber is the caregiver. (SEE BELOW)

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Asked by Nunyabiznes at 9:24 AM on Jul. 14, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • I asked him more about it and he says he was eating lunch but wanted to play and he said it was taking too long. He said that she thought he was being mean and squeezed his neck twice and he cried.

    What the hell do I think? What do I do? I want to bring it up, but he doesn't seem scared to go back or anything so I don't know what to think... I told him that both me and him were having a talk with her this morning and how I wanted him to tell me in front of her what happened and how someone could get in a lot of trouble with stuff like that and he better not be lying....

    Does an almost 4 year old lie about stuff like that??? Make up such stories just so he doesn't have to go anymore??? I'm so confused.

    Answer by Nunyabiznes at 9:27 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • Say something! I will always believe my child over someone else. He is saying these things for a reason. I wouldnt even take him back there to be honest.

    Answer by Amy_M at 9:30 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • Well, yes, 4 year olds do lie....but if there is any doubt in your mind, I say don't send him back.....Why take the chance.

    Answer by robinann5 at 9:39 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • just to play it safe dont take him again and look this chick up on internet and see if shes had complaints, and i would file one also.

    Answer by 16thmoon at 9:42 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • If that was my daughter...

    she would not be going back...

    Yes 4 year olds can tell lies...

    But he is your son, and you need to protect him...Lie or no Lie..

    Better to make him safe than sorry..

    Good luck..

    Answer by Dannee at 9:53 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • well.... this is a tough one. Yes, 4 yrs old they exagerate things that are sometimes true. For example she could have hurt his neck by accident while doing something else during lunch and he thought it was mean, or she could have really done what he said. If in doubt ask her about what happen, file report, don't take him back or all of the above.
    I also realy reccomend random home visits, just show up early or return after an hour of drop off. If you see anything weird report it too.
    YEARS ago, my mom did this to find the woman locked my brother in a closet for his whole stay there because he was "too much of a handful" she said. My found had returned after drop off because she had a bad feeling after my brother didn't want to stay there for a few days straight. My mom pushed the lady out the way grabbed my brother and drove straight to the police. Not all home care is like this, but double check unannouced.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:31 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • I think dropping in is a good idea, or if you can get the time, and extended stay as observer. If she is not comfortable with that a red flag would go off in my head. If you go somewhere else, and similar problems seem to develope it may be a sign of lying. If it's just her, I'd think it was her. Also, the bullying is a concern. Ask him what she did about it. My son keeps bringing up things others have done to him, even after it's been resolved. But you don't want it to be overlooked.

    Answer by cocoamug at 12:24 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • your son could be making it up, and I would make it clear to him that the lady could get into a lot of trouble if it wasn't true, but that no matter what you want to hear if he isn't happy.
    I'd look into and be very careful- kids need to be protected- best of luck!

    Answer by LadyAronna at 1:34 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • Take him outta is not worth it! He is obviously not comfortable there for one reason or another. Why risk it? What is your gut telling you? You have instincts for a should be able to tell if there is something going on that could be harmful to your child. And either way........bring it up to the babysitter for sure! She how she reacts and that should also give you the answer you need. Good luck

    Answer by littleguys_rule at 3:19 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • Ummm TAKE HIM OUT OF THERE IMMEDIATELY!!!!! There should be no question at all. Why take a chance like that???? If you bring it up to the babysitter of course she will lie about it! She doesn't want to go to jail.... If I even had a HINT of something wrong I would never take my son back there. You should be completely 100% comfortable with your child's caregiver.

    Answer by aaaahhhhh at 3:45 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

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