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How can I punish a Bipolar/ODD child effectively?

She is 12 and was adopted by my grandmother. My grandmother can no longer control her and she has not ever punished her for stealing, manipulating or lying. She does stuff because she knows that she will get attention, whether it be negative or positive. I am looking for an effective way to punish her. I have tried taking everything away from her, busting her bottom, making her do physical activity (such as sit ups, push ups, and calisthenics). I just need some suggestions. Nothing is working. She refuses do to dishes, laundry or school work. I just need an effective way to teach her that if she doesn't do the things she doesn't like to do, she will end up broke, hungry, and nasty. I have tried to explain it and it is getting me no where. I would just really appreciate some help. Thanks

 
biggunsdolphin

Asked by biggunsdolphin at 9:35 AM on Jul. 14, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (5)
  • Oh, and school work, same as dishes...

    You---You need to do your schoolwork. I will be happy to make dinner AFTER I see that it is done.

    Her---THAT'S NOT FAIR!

    Of course if you have smaller children that cannot wait for food, then you can change it up.

    You--You need to do your schoolwork. You may join us for dinner AFTER I see that it is done. (or of course insert any activity here) You may call Jenny AFTER I see that it is done.

    You give HER the control and just set your boundaries, she can knock her head on that wall for a while, so be strong and don't give in. But it's alot better than the alternative of "IF YOU DON'T THEN YOU WON'T" Just change your verbage. You cannot control her choices but you CAN control yours.
    Petie

    Answer by Petie at 10:02 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • I learned an awesome parenting style from a good friend (a well respected pediatric nurse)

    Child does not do their chores> such as dishes. Mom negotiates. "i can do the dishes tonight but then you will have to do the dishes tomorrow night AND (insert nasty chore here like cleaning toilets) but you have to promise you have to this! and to hold you to your promise I will take your (insert favorite object here) and once you fulfill your promise then you can have it back... or you can just do the dishes and avoid the (nasty chore and losing favorite object)

    This type of parenting puts the kid in control, or so they think. It works in many different circumstances.
    girlneffy

    Answer by girlneffy at 9:52 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • With ODD you have to avoid the confrontation part of discipline, so changing your verbs helps alot. As well as using natural consequences when appropriate. Example,

    You---You need to wash the dishes

    Her---I want to watch tv

    You---AFTER you are done with the dishes THEN you may watch tv

    Her---NO I AM WATCHING TV NOW

    You--AFTER the dishes are done, THEN you may watch tv

    Her---(walks over to the tv to turn it on) I AM watching TV

    You---(Unplug TV and take remote) AFTER the dishes are done, you may watch tv

    And so on and so forth.

    Natural consequences for stealing would be for her to return the item she stole from the store and confess to the manager what she did. If you have other examples of problem behavior then maybe we could brainstorm on them.
    Petie

    Answer by Petie at 9:58 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • If she is stealing, call the cops. If she is being violent or threatens harm to herself or others, call the cops. Avoid confrontations, my friends 14 yr old is Bipolar, PTSD and has a generalized anxiety disorder and has 2 assult charges against her, has been hospitalized 3 times since January and is always lying, NOTHING works except for the threat of locking her in the state mental hospital for a longtime. It sounds like she has been allowed to use her disorder as an excuse to not be held responsible for her actions. When she steals, she returns items and deals with the consequences, take her most prized possessions away and DO NOT give them back. She also needs to be in counseling and medicated for the Bipolar, if she already isn't. Bipolar can NOT be controlled without medication. Hold her responsible for her actions. If she doesn't do her homework, she goes to school with it incomplete and deals with the consequences.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 6:42 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • you hit a 12 yr old with mental problems? wow, how'd that work for you except to just piss her off more? Someone diagnosed her. Call that person and ask what to do. What she has is punishment enough for anyone and you want to pile on more? How sensitive. Get educated on her disorder by professionals not from online strangers.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:01 PM on Jul. 14, 2009