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I feel like I have failed as a mother =(

My daughter is almost 15 months old and there is so much she should be doing, but isn't.

She does not fall asleep in her crib - she falls alseep in the swing every night. We transfer her to her crib when we are going to bed, and she will wake up shortly after putting her in there. She is always screaming her head off and continues until we bring her into our room. We have a pack and play in there that she will sleep in, but she still wakes up numerous times a night and lately it is getting worse. She will scream until I either eventually give in and bring her in bed with us or she throws up.

Another thing is the bottle - she refuses to drink from a sippy cup. I have every sippy they have ever made in our kitchen and she won't drink from any of them. She will just throw it and scream ba-ba until we give her one.

I need help. I don't know what to do and I feel it's too late to fix anyting. =(

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:58 AM on Jul. 14, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (12)
  • As a mother, you will always feel that you've done something wrong and that it's your fault, guilt goes hand in hand with parenting. The bottom line is that so long as your daughter is healthy and happy and in a safe environment you're doing most everything right. As far as the sleeping goes, sure, it would have been easier if it were dealt with earlier, but it wasn't so there's no point going there. My advice would be to let her cry it out (in her own room). Make sure she's safe and if she does throw up, clean it up and put her back in her bed. The message you're sending her will become pretty clear in a short time. She sounds like a very smart little girl who has Mom wrapped around her little finger. With the sippy cups, again I wouldn't make it an option. When she's thirsty enough she'll drink. Sorry I'm not able to give you any magic advice to make it all alright, being a mom is one of the toughest jobs ever!
    lovemykids847

    Answer by lovemykids847 at 11:12 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • we've all 'failed' at one time or another. especially with all the books saying what you 'should' have accomplished.

    all kids are different.

    but you need to stay consistent. for instance the crib..... start today - put her down for a nap in her crib. make her room for sleeping only.
    at bedtime, don't do the swing - put her in her crib, tuck her in and say goodnight. she cries go in at 10 minutes (Ithink thats what I did), tuck back in DO NOT TALK - or just say its time for sleeping goodnight. keep that up and she'll get the message. it will be hard. but DO NOT GIVE IN!
    hypermamaz

    Answer by hypermamaz at 11:20 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • Honey, it takes a lot to really mess up as a mother. You're doing ok. A 15 month old is still a baby. She'll get this - and more importantly so will you. First and foremost though, you need to be consistent. Look back over what you wrote and you'll see the problem here. "Until I eventually give in and..." 15 month olds are more savvy than we sometimes realize. SHe's learned that if she complains enough she'll get her way. Nip this in the bud now before it's "My 3 year old won't leave a store until I give in and buy her..." or "My teenager won't stop until..." You get the idea. There are no-cry sleep training methods that may help you but it WILL take consistency on your part. You can't go halfway on this. Pick a method and stick to it. Start teaching her to fall asleep on her own - the middle of the night stuff will resolve itself then. The bottle? ack, i'm running out of room here. PM me if you want...more space that way.
    ldmrmom

    Answer by ldmrmom at 11:25 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • I agree - we've all been there. Our issues may vary but we all have our "I failed" moments.

    Some thoughts for your problems:
    She is not a baby anymore. She is a toddler. Don't try to be gentle and loving to your sweet baby. Be firm and consistent with your willful toddler.
    What do you do when she pitches a fit for a cookie? Do you rush to give it to her so she won't scream and cry? Of course not. You tell her no and let her fuss. Remember - a tantrum is a tantrum is a tantrum. No matter the cause, no matter the time of day or night. Giving in teaches her that tantrums are the way to get what she wants which means more tantrums.

    Pick a method and stick with it. That might be letting her CIO or it might be a different method. You know your baby and your tolerance for tantrums. Same with the bottles. Decide what you want to do and stick with it. Teach her that tantrums don't work. And yes, some kids throw up. Oh well.
    kaycee14

    Answer by kaycee14 at 11:53 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • to get my dd to do these thing i had to do tough love...its easier if someone else in the family or dh does it...if she throws up just clean her up and put her back in the crib and to the ferber method...going in every few minutes soother her and then walk away a few minutes it doesnt matter if shes crying let her cry for a allowted time and then go back in and sooth her again streching the intervels of time just a little bit each nite intill she learns to fall asleep in her crib...have u tryied playing soft music in her room?if u do or will try it save that music for only when she goes down for naps or at bed time and try laying one of ur or dhs shirts in with her so she can smell ur sent my cousins youngest had to sleep with one of her shirts to sleep all nite some moms dont agree with the ferber method but its different form cio thats i still use the ferber with my dd and she 4 but she has issues and thats what she use to
    rainmommy

    Answer by rainmommy at 12:19 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • I agree with everyone else. It isn't too late to fix it, but you need to do it soon. As far as her bottle, just give her the cup. I know that sounds awful. Or get her a straw cup if you haven't tried that already. Don't offer the bottle anymore. That is what my sister in law did with her son after he was still on the bottle after two.
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 12:45 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • Have you had her tested for acid reflux? If not, I would see the doctor about it. The swing might be more comfortable for her because she is sleeping on an incline. Plus, the throwing up thing might be a signal. Once you've ruled out a medical problem...you're just going to have to be firm. I would gather up all of her bottles, have her help you put them in a garbage bag and both of you take them out to the garbage together and trash them. That will help her know that this is a permanent change and help you not give in. She WILL drink from a sippy cup if she is thirsty enough. I know it sounds mean...but you have to be firm and consistent otherwise you'll always be right here where you are. As for sleeping, take her to the store and let her pick out a lovey doll that will sleep with her. Develop a ritualistic sleeping pattern (bath, pjs, storytime, bedtime) and keep it consistent for a few days....
    ANGIE409

    Answer by ANGIE409 at 3:02 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • If you're consistent about not going back in there once you've put her to bed, you'll be shocked at how quickly she'll catch on. 3-4 days...maybe 5. Your trouble is that you're giving in...Good Luck. (You're NOT a failure...you love your child and as long as your child is loved, it will be fine!)
    ANGIE409

    Answer by ANGIE409 at 3:03 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • Have you beat your child, neglected your child, abandoned your child? NO??? Then you have not failed, that word is used for parents who do those things...

    MANY kids sleep in their parents room and bed for years and years, if you want to break that then it will take time, look for the book the no cry sleep solution it helps. Consistancy is the key.

    When it comes to bottles, just go cold turkey, if shes thirsty she will take a sippy. My sons hated sippies till they sipped something I had through a straw...then they thought it was cool and drank from straw sippy cups...if she sees you with a straw maybe she will want one too.

    My son is 27 months and has to be driven around for 10 minutes or rocked for an hour to get him to sleep...my older 2 I never had this issue but every child is different
    tabi_cat1023

    Answer by tabi_cat1023 at 3:28 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • I agree, you have not failed as a mother. You would be surprised at how many people are in your exact position. From someone who struggled to get her willful child in a crib...be firm!! It is so hard to listen to the screaming, but you have to for your own sanity. As for the sippy cup...I would not worry so much about that yet. There are three year olds still drinking from the bottle. Start slow, leave it out so she can play with it and get comfortable with it. Over time she will practice sipping, then fill it with half and half, let her practice it will take time but have patience.
    Roseplus1

    Answer by Roseplus1 at 8:18 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

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