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Should I leave my husband?

I've been married for almost 5 years. We have 2 daughters (ages 4 and 2). I am a stay at home Mom. I moved here from England to marry my husband. My husband runs the family business which is collapsing. He is very stressed. Over the years, my husband has had several verbally violent attacks on me. He has never physically hurt me. These attacks generally end in me having a mini-breakdown and then he apologies and we go on. In between these outbursts I guard myself against the signs that one is approaching and generally manage to diffuse it. He regularly cheats on-line (not in real life he says). Last night was the worst fight we've had. He verbally laid into me in front of our kids and broke me down to a quivering mess. No apology has come. I am so sad and weary. I have no job and no work exp. in the US and no degree. He tells me I do too much without working with him and I need to stop doing it. Please help.


Asked by Anonymous at 10:58 AM on Jul. 14, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I think leaving is an option but it sounds like you need time to plan. You can't take the children out of the country without his permission and without a job you have some financial obstacles to tackle. It's a do-able thing but will take some planning. In the meantime maybe you could talk to him about his stresses and how he's taking them out on you. The economy sucks and many large firms are closing down so he's probably facing financial disaster. If he could concentrate on a Plan B in case his business folds that might relieve some of the pressure. How about if you tell him that you feel you and the kids are adding pressure to him and he needs time to think. Perhaps he's let you go back to England for a visit or go to some summer vacation house to get away for a while. That might help. Taking a break might be good for everyone. Get the kids away from the tension. Make him think it's for him. He'll fall for that

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:32 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • It for sure doesnt sound like a safe place for you or your children to be. do you have anywhere else you can stay? if you dont do you have money to stay in a hotel or somewhere til you can get on your feet? is he willing to work it out? go to counceling? have you told him your thinking about leaving if things dont change?
    from personal experience i would talk to him first and see if he's willing to do counceling, like you said he is stressed, maybe he has an anger problem? when me and my husband we're first having problems like this, we went to a behavorial doctor and my husband was diagnosed bipolar II disorder, we had no idea.

    since you have children with the man, try and work it out, but if he ever hits you or your children, leave immidiately.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:09 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • leave him.

    Answer by moki1984 at 11:12 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • this is a very difficult situation your in, but you are in the us now, there are a lot of options here for you,i know it seems like your on your own & you have no help but it's out there. you can't just "leave him" you have to have a plan,money,a job a home a sitter for the girls so don't listen to all the bullshit that gets flung around on here, since you've been with him for 5 yrs you know him are you just venting or have you had enough? if you've had enough use your keyboard for more than cafemom if your venting join the crowd, make a plan stick with it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:42 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • You should leave him but have a plan. If you have friends/relatives that could help do ask! If it will be easier to be a single mother in England, because of support, try to get back home. Otherwise, there are centers here for abused women (Abuse is Verbal and Emotional, NOT just physical) that will take you in. My sister did this 3 years ago and is now separated from her husband. Best thing she did. Also, VERY important is counseling for you. It will empower you and give you the courage, support and advice you need. If you do leave, you will go through a grieving period and will probably blame yourself. This is typical of abused women. Do not cheat yourself out of a life lived to its fullest. Good luck and remember to love yourself!

    Answer by Hepburn79 at 12:06 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • Say, "see ya"

    Answer by mumma28 at 12:28 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • I think you should leave- this is a abusive situation. I'd contact a shelter for help. They may have help making plans for a situation like this

    Answer by LadyAronna at 4:45 PM on Jul. 14, 2009