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Should I Stay or Should I Go?

I'm a SAHM of 4 kids. Been in a rocky marriage for the past 10 years. I've attended a few therapy sessions over the (he always refused, said I was the problem!). This past year has been hell so I though enough is enough. I did therapy for two months, gave my husband an ultimatum - he's changed completely!
The real twist here is that I've been having an affair with a divorced man (our daughters are classmates) for the past month. NEVER in a million years would I have imagined myself being in this situation. I'm as conservative as they come, until He came along.
He's an awesome dad among many other things. He's positive & understanding. I miss him BADLY when we are apart. I just feel like I can't leave my husband now that he's trying hard to be good. But the truth is I'm not in love with him and feel like I'm just staying for the kids. I feel like I'm just "playing" the role of wife because I feel bad for him. What do I do?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:50 AM on Jul. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Sounds like time for mor therapy! Sorry, I have no idea.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:54 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • You would be more willing to accept your husband's new behavior if you weren't with this new guy. The beginnings of any relationship are always fun and exciting, and going back to your established relationship, with all of the history of it, seems boring, annoying, and hard. Try to separate your feelings before you make any decisions. All long term relationships have ups and downs, and it sounds like if you gave it a fair chance, your marriage with your husband is on it's way up.
    motherofanaries

    Answer by motherofanaries at 11:58 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • You need to be honest with your husband about the affair! Go from there.
    LuvBug3

    Answer by LuvBug3 at 11:58 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • if it were me,i'd leave. it's not fair to anyone to stay. if your husbands trying and you aren't--it won't work. it takes 2 to make a marriage work. don't feel guilty,you did the best you could,he just gave to little,to late! it's your turn to be happy. sometimes staying for the kids,ends up messing them up more,than if you just split up.
    pam228

    Answer by pam228 at 11:59 AM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • i agree with the previous poster..he gave a litle too late.dont feel guilty.it wont make things any better.but you do need to be honest to him about the affair.if he still wants to be with you after he knows that then decide from there.i do think if you feel that you're "playing" the role of a wife then you arent really wanting to be with him..but it could just be the new relationship feelings from the new man clouding your mind.every new relationship feels good at first..but what ive heard is if any man fools around with a woman while shes married..is he really that great of a guy?
    naturepeace

    Answer by naturepeace at 12:10 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • first off......................stop the affair...you can not make a decision about your husband until you have the other man out of the picture. so this way you can be sure you gave ityour all.......

    moki1984

    Answer by moki1984 at 12:18 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • motherofanaries and LuvBug's answers are the best advice u could take. No matter how bad the relationship is, you should never resort to cheating...Ever
    mumma28

    Answer by mumma28 at 12:32 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • You are in a complicated situation....very complicated. You can't compare a long marriage to an affair. You don't know this new guy well enough...you have only seen his good side and you have been fun for each other. You have to deal with your marriage separate from this other relationship. It would have been best to avoid the affair completely and not start any relationships until you had resolution about your marriage, but that is no longer possible. Still, you are married and you owe it to yourself and your husband to give the marriage a chance without the interference of a third party.
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 12:48 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • It will be painful but get a divorce if u do not love him anymore. you might be doing it for your kids but they will be able to tell when there older the hurt inside of you. its also not fair to him...the kids will get over it eventually...you and your husband can start a new life with someone else and start chapter 2 in life..its never over go0dluck to you.
    Ps: as conservative as someone is..its IMPPOSIBLE to overpower your heart!
    shedevil121208

    Answer by shedevil121208 at 1:11 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • I think you should tell your husband about the affair. It sounds like you already have one foot out the door anyway.
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 1:17 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

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