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Not sure where this should go but...

I took a test 2 days ago and it was positive. I really want to go to the doctor to be sure but I have some walls. I am 21. Happly married. Have a 2.5 year old. BUT I live with my controling mother who TELLS me Im not allowed to get pregnant untell I move out or turn 25. I would just go but the only car in the house is hers and she has it ALL DAY. We cant afford to move because the rent here are OUT RAGES. We are really hopeful and really want another baby and have the means. We have been trying for several months so this would make us both very happy. How do I tell my Devil Mom that I might be/need to go? I know she cant stop us from having one but shes not the easiset to talk to and if shes really set in her ways she will do anything she can to keep everything the way she wants (i.e the control). And once I tell her and I find out if Im not how do I tell her Im going to keep trying?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:45 PM on Jul. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • She can't tell you whether or not to have another baby. She can, however, kick you out since you live in her house. I'm not trying to be rude, but obviously you really can't afford to have another baby if you can't even afford your own rent to give the one you already have a home on their own. Right now grandma is providing shelter for your husband, your baby, and you. I think your mother is smart for telling you that you should wait until you and your husband can provide for yourselves before adding more kids to the equation.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:52 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • We can provide very nicely for ourselves. We both have good incomes but the cheapest rent around here is 1050 a month and unless you have the 20,000 for schooling then you get nothing. We provide the food and clothes and anything else the three of us need with no problem. We have the money and the room for another baby. My mother just thinks she can control what we do souly on the fact that we live with her. But we pay her 200 a month for rent and give her gas money or pay a bill if she cant or what ever so I beleave we have the right to do what we want with out her interfering. As far as Im concerened if we pay rent and bills we are only Roomates. Nothing more. And a roomate cant say if you can have a baby or not.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:59 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • IMO if you can't afford to pay rent on your own place, you don't have the means to have another baby. $200 a month for 3 people isn't really much. I'm assuming you moved in with your mom because you couldn't afford your own place? It would be different if you moved in with her to help her out if she couldn't pay her own bills. You say you have the room for another baby, but it is still your mom's house right? If you can't afford to move out then no, you can't afford another baby and you have to deal with your controlling mom. There is a solution to that that I found effective which is move out. And we know how that prospect looks in your situation so I really don't know what else to say.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:06 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • She was the one who said 200 a month. We were very willing to pay more. But we also put gas in her car regularly and pay the bills she cant so yeah pretty much we moved in to help her. If the wants to up the rent to make room for it then thats fine with us. We will pay what ever she wants. Im not asking if it is ok that I have another one. Read the first sentence again. I took a test. It was a BFP. I wanted to know how I can get around the controlling thing to tell her. And get her to take me to the doctor.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:10 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • I would be looking in a smaller town maybe 20 or 30 minutes away from where you live to find cheaper rent. This might make it easier to afford a car for the two of you. Other than that, you need to simply say, hey mom, I took a test and it says I'm pregnant. I need to go to the doctor. If she refuses than I would look for someone to take you there or a taxi service, or even walk if need be. good luck.


    BTW- if it is your mother's house and you are paying her rent, she can kick you out.  You should not have been trying to get pregnant knowing how your mother feels.  She is trying to help you out. 

    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 2:13 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • There is no way around it. You just tell her, and pray she doesn't kick you out, since you can't afford it. If you are pregnant, she is going to find out eventually anyway. If she won't take you to the doctor, then I guess you need to get a bus schedule or find a friend to do it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:15 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • Is it technically child abuse if she refuses?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:23 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • if you cant get your own place then you didnt move in to help her, you moved in to help yourselves. gez dont bring a baby into this world if you cant stand on your own two feet
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:24 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • In which way would it be child abuse? You are not a child anymore
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:25 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • We had our own place but it was an hour away and my brother was living with her helping her out but he moved acrossed country to be with his wifes family. So we moved here to help her. We want to move back to where we were but then she would be homeless and she refuses to move. She maybe trying to control us but she is still my mother and I wasnt going to, and still wont, let that happen.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:29 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

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