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Should he call her Grandma?? - kind of long!

My boyfriend and I are expecting our first baby any day now. His dad was married to this woman for 12 years and they were still together when we found out we were pregnant. We were both very close to this woman and while they were together, we had said our son would call her grandma which she was THRILLED about. A few months later, they decided they were getting a divorce. Since we were both so close to her, we still wanted her to be known as grandma (she did too). Well, she kept saying she was going to help with the baby shower but never got in touch with my mom to help out. I told her if she had other things going on with the divorce that was fine, we totally understood.But she kept insisting that she wanted to be a part of it. Well, she ended up planning a trip to Alaska to visit an old boyfriend for a couple weeks instead and was gone during the shower...and she knew the date before she planned her trip. cont'...

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landons.mama

Asked by landons.mama at 3:30 PM on Jul. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Level 6 (140 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • She then said that she and her side of the family would go in on a present together (she decided her side of the family would provide the pack n play) about a month ago. Well, the baby is coming any time now and she's hardly been in contact with us and still hasnt gotten us the pack n play. She seems to be kind of flaking on us and we still dont have the pack n play....sheould we go and buy one ourselves? We dont want her to feel like she HAS to get it for us or that she HAS to be the babys grandma. But she keeps saying she wants to. Now, she told us she's moving to Alaska to be with this old boyfriend and taking by BF sister with her :( Should we still have our baby call her grandma? Thats what she thinks she's being called but i dont really feel she is acting like one. Am i just being a bit selfish?? Sorry it was so long!
    landons.mama

    Answer by landons.mama at 3:34 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • the baby isn't even here yet and you are making a big deal about what the baby will call her? Let it go. She's fading out before it's even time to be a grandmother. By the time the child can say grandma she'll be married to this new bf and forgotten about you. Do things for yourself. Buy the pack & play if you think it's important to have. Don't trust others to do important things. If she does get one then just keep your receipt and take one back. But no, I wouldn't call her grandmother. I'm a grandmother and I'd never bail on someone like that. She sounds selfish. You don't want someone like that being an example for your child anyway
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:39 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • I completely, 100 % agree with PP. There is no need to agonize over this. She will be long gone before your child has a conscious understand of what a grandparent is.
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 3:48 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • I also agree. Let the woman do her own thing. If she wanted to be called grandma and actually being a grandma to your child she would be more involved in what is going on. Don't let it bother you. Stress is not good !! Sounds like baby will have at least one grandma in it's life, sometimes that is all they need. Good luck!!
    akagrandma

    Answer by akagrandma at 4:12 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • Thanks! I was mostly concerned since she is still insisting she is "grandma" but with her moving, you are all right...she wont be around much and will probably fade out before our son is even old enough to talk. I appreciate it!!
    landons.mama

    Answer by landons.mama at 4:20 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • I would not worry about what to call her right now. Sounds like she has alot going on in her life and who knows where she will be at by the time baby is old enough to say 'grandma'. By then she may be out of your life. if she presses just say 'well the baby is not even here yet, let alone talking'.
    As for the pack n play-- if you need one, you should probably buy it yourself and not wait on her. I would save the reciept - that way if she does end up buying you one you can return yours.
    good luck!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 4:21 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

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