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How can I get my parents to support my daughter?

My parents are being anything but understanding in my daughters present situation. She has spoken with her father for the first time ever, and it upset my mom. She actually hung up on my daughter (A woman in her 50s hung up on a 9 year old) when she found out I was going to take her to meet some of his family over my daughters birthday. Now my daughter is afraid to talk to them about anything cause "they will be mad at her, and tell her she makes bad choices"
Since this happened my daughter actually met her dad, and IMO really needs the support of them right now, but she doesnt even want them to know. Now they are fighting, and my daughter refuses to go there alone. My parents are demanding that I make her go there... which I will not do, so in turn they are mad at me too... I wish they would just act like grandparents....

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RuthieRama

Asked by RuthieRama at 3:49 PM on Jul. 14, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • if your child wants a relationship with her dad & he wants one with her, then good... it's not your parent's choice to make, it's your daughter's
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:50 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • I feel the same way about that.
    But at this point it is impossible to see what will happen with that, but in the mean time shouldnt they be concerned with how their granddaughter is feeling emotionally rather then always having the focus on them????
    RuthieRama

    Answer by RuthieRama at 3:52 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • Let things chill with the grandparents. Likely they'll come around in time.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 3:52 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • Sounds like they are jealous.  they use to have her all to there selves

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 3:54 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • Well your mother needs to act like a grandmother and not her mother you are her mother and you need to voice this to your mother. You DD is making good choices if she wants to know who her father is then thats her right and if your supporting her in that then good job mommy. You didn't make your DD alone and your mother needs to realize this. He is a part of her also and if he is a good postive person for her to be around then allow him to be a part of her life. If you need someone to talk with then I am just an e-mail away.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 3:56 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • Personally, I have a short fuse. I would tell my parents to STFU and be nice to their granddaughter because they're making her into an emotional wreck. I'd tell them it's her right to try to make a relationship with her father- the man who donated his biological material to create her- and they don't have to like it, but they also don't have to distress a nine year old. They're being less mature than a nine year old! GEH!

    But like I said, that's just me because I have a temper problem. :P
    kittyhasclaws

    Answer by kittyhasclaws at 3:58 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • I agree with Bmat. When some time has passed...talk with them and tell them what you had just said. That they need to support your daughter, because it is her decision not theirs. And if they truly love her then they really need to stand by her and support her. Them acting this way will just damage their relationship with her.

    Maybe they are scared? They had her for 9 years, and now she is meeting other people that they might feel threatened by. That really could be the case-and they just aren't sure how to handle it. Tell them that they need to support her and if they have any complaints do NOT direct them to their grandchild. I'm sorry that she's going through that.
    LaceyAM

    Answer by LaceyAM at 3:59 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • You cannot make them support your daughters decision, sorry there is nothing that will make their closed minds open. If they really wanted what was best for your daughter, her meeting and establishing a relationship with her FATHER and his family would not be a threat to them and they would support her decision. I would NOT force her to see her grandparents and I would flat out tell them that until they can either keep their mouths shut or be nice and act like adults, my child will not be at their house, with or without me. They need to know how much they are hurting their granddaughter and she shouldn't be made to decide between her father and them. It will be their loss when she starts not liking them and resents them for their childish, immature behavior.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 6:37 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • I wish they would act like grandparents, or at the least mature adults too. At this point it sounds like they're threatened, and afraid. They're threatened that if your daughter forges a good relationship with her father and his side of the family then your daughter will have another set of grandparents and family they will have to share her with. They're afraid because they do care for both you and your daughter and don't want to see anybody get hurt.

    They do love her and you, that I am not doubtful of, but they are acting out of line regardless of how they feel they should be there for you both and you need to point this out the next time you talk. You're doing what's right by not forcing your daughter into visiting them and if she does come around you probably should be there the whole visit in case your parents step over any more lines, they probably don't realize how far over the line of respect they've stepped over.
    Knightquester

    Answer by Knightquester at 6:53 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • Your parents are not going to support your daughter, they dont even support you in your desicions. You have to make them stop punishing your daughter though. She has to do what feels right for her, and her growth not them.
    weirdjojo

    Answer by weirdjojo at 7:14 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

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