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Ok, I am desperate, my 6yr old daughter is discovering herself and does inappropriate things to her 5yr old sister.

I have explained that this is your privates and we keep our hands to ourselves, but I catch them in the tub checkin things out, putting fingers where they don't belong and other things. Tell me what to do!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:14 PM on Jul. 14, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (10)
  • Don't allow them to be alone naked together.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:17 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • Tell them that if they touch too much down there, that it can get infected & they'll have to get a shot down there. That should work like a charm. As unfortunate as it sounds, it is very normal. The best think you could do is tell them that you understand why it feels different down there, but that they should not do it because it is inappropriate. And if they have germs under their nails, it REALLY CAN get infected.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 4:19 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • I guess I have to agree with pp. Sometimes kids just don't get it even if you do tell them, or it makes them even more curious. That's a rough one, I wouldn't really know what to do either! Whatever you do just don't make them feel...I don't know...I guess "dirty" about it? Since they're both kids and are probably just exploring and they don't really know what the heck they're doing. Just try and stay calm!

    Answer by ajguinn at 4:20 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • well first off at 6 and 5 they shouldnt be bathing together anyways they are too old, and well i went threw this last year with my now 8yr old girl and 6yr old boy, and well i really dont know how i did it other then imbarrasing them and punishing the for it ... i explained why prvates are called privates, and had them each tell me where they got the idea to do those things, and explained to them that it was wrong... there nothing i can really say about it other then just drill it into their heads that they cant do that until their but really thats what i did, anything to make them think " Thats bad, i shouldnt do it..."

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:22 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • Could someone be sexually abusing her?

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:45 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • There is no chance for sexual abuse. They are with me 24hrs a day 7 days a week. I just need help aproaching it without making them feel like they are in trouble. I understand they want to know about their boddies but how far should I take an explaination

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:05 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • I guess it's time for separate baths. You've already explained it and it's just not getting through yet. She is young and curious and going to touch if she gets the chance. She will grow out of it just keep talking to her about it when it comes up. Maybe even encourage her to get a mirror and explore her own body. Keep in mind it's not sexual at 6. She's just trying to figure out what she's got and how it works.

    Answer by fourisplenty at 7:39 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • Telling her if she touched herself she will get an infection and have to get a shot is .... just wrong!

    Tell them it's OK to touch yourself, but in private. And I agree separate baths might be in order. Kids play sexually, if they are close in age and it's consensual it isn't a sign of abuse. It's a sign of curiosity.


    Answer by Anonymous at 7:48 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • I wouldn't go with the shots or infection, just because at 6 she's old enough to start making real sense of some of this. My son (5) did this, and my daughter (4) thought it was a fun game, but I could tell she didn't get it as the same level. I think there's some kind of break between those ages when they begin to understand and explore- i guess just a bit less innocently than before
    I told them both to keep their hands to themselves but caught him trying a few other times, so I pulled my son aside and talked to him. Those are his parts, hers are hers. No one touches yours put you, and you will not be touching anyone else's. It bothered me that i told him to stop and he didn't. i wanted him to understand personal space and that those are private places that no one should be touching.
    Good Luck, just start with the small stuff and explain more as you have to.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:03 AM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • I think that it's important to take each of your children aside separately and explain the basic structure of the genitalia and let them know that if they'd like to explore their own in private that it's fine, as long as their hands are clean.

    Don't go into more detail than they ask for, but don't avoid questions either. Use real names (vagina, vulva, etc) so that you don't confuse them, but let them know that these words are for at home use only. This and the opportunity to explore may ease the problem.

    My son is 5 and I am pregnant now. I had awful morning sickness, and he asked if I was going to throw up the baby when it was time to be born. I told him that moms have a special place where the baby comes out. He asked where it was, and I told him between my legs. He's very into nature shows and has seen animals giving birth, so I think that covered it for him, but I would have gone into more detail had he asked.


    Answer by FireworksMama at 9:23 AM on Jul. 15, 2009

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