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Dating

My daughter is 16 years old and is in love with a 20 year old boy who is even more in love with her. At the moment my husband and I are not allowing her to speak or see him unless they are both at an event that they are mutually connected to (party, coincidential event, etc.) and even then we monitor how many parties she goes to where he will be there. They are not allowed to text, email, IM, or call each other. Do you agree this is the right thing to do?

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janiecottontail

Asked by janiecottontail at 4:57 PM on Jul. 14, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (6)
  • she is 16 so putting all these restraints on her will only make her to see him more.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:00 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • You mean 20 year old MAN.. Yes I think you are doing the right thing..Have you talked to the MAN and told him he could get in deep trouble and be considered a sex offender if he persuses your daughter

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 5:02 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • You are in the right but have you explained your daughter the legal consequences that will arise from someone going out with her that is 20? If you explain to her this chances are if she really loves this guy and not just trying to drive you crazy she will back off because she doesn't want to get him in trouble. Anon is right the more you tell your children no you cant do that the more they want to do t.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:08 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • No, I do not believe you are doing the right thing.

    There are many details that you have neglected to tell us.

    How long have they been together?
    Do they have a good, healthy relationship?
    Do they have fun together?

    You have neglected to tell us anything about her boyfriend's character--is he a good person? A good influence? What are their common interests?

    It sounds like the only thing you have against this guy is his age, and it is only a difference of four years. It could be worse. One my friends in high school got married when she was 18--to a 34-year-old man. And they're still going strong, so you never know.

    Have you made a solid effort to get to know this guy? Or are you so prejudiced by his age?

    It's one thing to want to protect your daughter, and another thing to shelter her.

    Regardless, forbidding all forms of contact will only make them want to see each other more. (cont)
    Mousuke

    Answer by Mousuke at 2:55 AM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • (cont)

    instead of being so controlling that your daughter will start sneaking around behind your back to see her boyfriend, why not invite him over to your house so they can hang out together in a supervised environment? Invite him over to dinner to meet the whole family. Let them watch movies together, have a barbecue, whatever. Make an attempt to get to know him and an attempt to see why your daughter likes him. You might discover that he's a good person.

    Encourage them to go out together in a group (bowling, movies, etc.), or to neutral settings. They just want to spend time together.

    Again, apart from his being four years older than her, why do you dislike this guy so much?
    Mousuke

    Answer by Mousuke at 2:58 AM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • I somewhat agree with the poster above.

    BUT I see the bigger implication for the young man, the fact is that anyone could report the relationship and whether you agreed with it or not would be irrelevent and he could be "labeled" for the rest of his life. While protecting your DD you are protecting him, even if that is not your intentions. I would explain this to your dd and him, so that they can see that you are coming from a side of protection and not just being the "mean parents" and that although you understand they care for each other there are laws and there is no way around that

    My Bestfriend and her husband were in the same boat, she was 16 he was 24 and her parents forbid any relationship, but like you knew there were times where they would run into each other. When she turned 18 they got togather and have been married ever since, and that was many years ago, If there love is strong he will wait and she will to.
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 10:59 AM on Jul. 15, 2009

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