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How can I handle this without losing my cool?

I have a sweet hubby. I really love him bit he really is upsetting me at the same time. He has twin daughters that both just graduated from college this past May. They are doing nothing!!! One is partying every night and the other one decided to go to CA to shack up with a friend and is working a very low paying and can't get benefits because she won't work full time. So now they want us to foot the bill because they will be off our insurance in 5 months. We still pay their cell phones and they are on our car insurance. He said he was going to bill them for car insurance and the cells but has not. They seem lazy to me. They are both soon to be 23. I have told him to give them a deadline to get a job and try to be independent. I don't mind helping if I saw them helping themselves. I don't feel like paying for this crap when they are adults. What do I do or say?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:01 PM on Jul. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • tell him that enabling them teaches them nothing. What if he dies (god forbid)? How can they fend for themselves if they don't learn how now (with his guidance NOT his money)
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:08 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • Get separate bank accounts and split the bills 50/50. He can support his kids if he chooses to, but you don't have to and he isn't going to change this or he already would have.
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 9:14 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • My gosh, my Dad handed me a bill every month while I was working AND in college. That took care of my utilities and insurance. I could understand if they were trying to improve themselves but obviously they are not.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 9:15 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • The deadline should be September 1st. They're either full time students or full time workers. Students you help......
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 9:16 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • They need to grow up a little and get more responsible, i would be upset too. My parents never paid for anything like that for my sisters or myself. We learned how to do it on our own, and appreciate things a lot better because of it. In reality it takes hard work and determination to get what you want in life. I'm all for helping with school stuff though, but it sounds like they are slacking big time, and your paying for it.
    Iluvmygirlies42

    Answer by Iluvmygirlies42 at 9:21 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • It is his decision. If you feel the need to separate your money, you can certainly do that, but this is his decision.
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 9:33 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • I agree with you, they are old enough to start taking responsibility for their lives, and paying their own way-- not sponge off dad and expect him to foot the bill. I think you should talk to your hubby and ask him how much longer this is going to go on. If he does not give them a deadline- then it might be time to think about separating your money from his and having your own account and let him foot the bill for them himself.
    Good luck, I hope they will grow up, and he will see your side.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 10:59 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

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