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potty training for a child who was negetected

my new step son was brought in to my about 6 mts ago full time after he was taken from his mother for negelect. hes now 3 and not potty trained ive been trying everything that i can from big boy pants to naked to making him sit on the potty till he uses it, but nothing has worked. i just dont know where to go from here? he knows how to changes his own pullup or underwear and he knows when he uses the potty cause hell imidately change it! everyone just keeps telling me he should already be trained but hes not and it sadens me i just need a few more ideas somebody please help

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Asked by mamaheidi301 at 9:43 PM on Jul. 14, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (10)
  • well dont make him sit there until he goes, because that could bring back memories for him... maybe make him scared. Try to really praise him with ice cream after, yes its bribing, but eventually he wont like the wet feeling. I feel bad for children that were neglected and think they deserve a litle extra

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:45 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • Wow! it sounds like you have placed a lot of emphasis on this. He is only 3 and going through a major life change. I would just relax and not push it for a few weeks. It sounds like he has the concept, maybe once there is less pressure on him, he will want to do it. I like the ice cream idea too. Maybe tell him that he will get ice cream as a reward when he is ready to use the potty, then drop the subject for a while. I have heard people say that kids will regress on training when large issues (moving, divorce) occur. I would imagine trying to train him during one of these times would be difficult.

    Answer by wanderingmuse at 10:14 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • remember boys pt later than girls typically. Three=Four might just be his age to pt.

    I had a little girl and she was pee trained at 3 and fully trained at 4.5 but she had gastro intestinal issues. But in hindsight, i put too much pressure on her w/0 knowing the real issues. And sounds like your little man has issues.

    Try MnM's one for potty, two for poop.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:37 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • Don't push. Here is the deal: emothionally he may not be his chronological age. He may be "stuck" at the age he was when he was removed from his mother's care or he may be at much younger age due to lack of emotional growth and nurturing. So that means not making his actual age a reason to potty train now. In fact potty training is a transition and children can sometimes be overwhelmed by a lot of transitions that happen in a short amount of time. Advice: give him more time to transition into a safe family and environment. Introduce routine and consistancy. It can take a lot of time. Maybe even another six months. See a family therapist who specializes in play therapy. But do not put any pressure on him to potty train. You could potentially cause more frustration and anxiety in him. Just love him. In fact, baby him. Baby him a lot. The theory behind babying him is that he is going through all the phases

    Answer by frogdawg at 10:43 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • of emotional and cognitive development while forming a secure attatchment to you and his dad. Eventually he will catch up to where he needs to be. But now he needs your understanding and not potty training. It always takes time and a lot of patience. Don't be afraid or shocked if he wants to sip on sippy cups or have you feed him. Do rock him, read to him, hold him often, cuddle.....what a scared little boy he must be. Just love him.

    Answer by frogdawg at 10:46 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • he will do it when he is ready. when he feels completely secure he will start using the potty. all you can do right now is show him how much you love him and how happy you are that he is with yall, he will soon pick it right up, but don't force him or push him into doing it because that will just make things worse. good luck

    Answer by Pinkerbell223 at 11:39 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • I would just let it go for another month or two. For you and him both. Tell everyone else to buzz off. Then you can start again fresh with a plan, a chart, stickers, candy, all that fun stuff. Work on some other things with him in the mean time, so he will be building confidence and get the hang of rewards and praise.

    Answer by pat7879 at 12:10 AM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • sounds EXACTLY like us 3years stepson came to live with us untrained at 3yrs, also was removed from his mother's care for neglect.. I gave him 2 months and tried all the little tricks but he refused to cooperate....2 months later I was fed up... I bought him a 6 pack of tighty whities and on Sunday night I told him I was done..changing his diaper offended me bcuz he was a big boy and I wasnt going to do it anymore. I told him it was his decision to be dry and clean and he would wear underwear from now on and if he peed or poopd he had to clean his own mess up..the next day i gave him underwear and 20 minutes latr looked me square in the eye and peed in them. I ignored dh came in the room and said,"EWW what stinks?" I said I didnt know...we didnt say a word about Jay's wet pants and after a whle he went into his room and changed his pants and never had an
    accident again


    Answer by shivasgirl at 2:26 AM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • He needed to do it himself, he needed to have control over something in his life for once. He is almost 6 now and functions on a 3yr old level he has a lot of issues but he is clean and dry!

    come join my group for custodial stepmoms!


    Answer by shivasgirl at 2:29 AM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • I think I wouldn't push it for a while. It sounds like he has enough to deal with right now. My son trained at 3 1/2 with no other problems. I would wait until he shows some signs of readiness.

    Answer by mompam at 1:48 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

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