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How can I get my tween to go to sleep by herself after all her problems?

My girl is 12 years old and she had some problems. A friend who had an older sister that showed her things like the "dry hump", masturbating, and making out showed my daughter's friend, who then taught my daughter things like that. My daughter thought that it was okay, and taught some of her other friends. Then she realized that was wrong, and still sometimes did it. Now she doesn't do it anymore and feels incredibly guilty. She also has had some anxiety problems from that. Mostly because of this she doesn't like to go to sleep by herself in the dark, because she's always remembering all the things that happened there and wonders if God can forgive her. I have to sit with her every night until she falls asleep. She often comes to our bed with nightmares, or if she wakes up. What can I do to reassure her that all kids make mistakes and learn about things like and make mistakes, and that she's a good kid and that it'll be okay?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:51 PM on Jul. 14, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (8)
  • I hate it when kids fear God like that. Tell her that God's already forgotten about it if she's asked for forgiveness. He wiped the slate clean. That's what forgiveness is all about. God is a loving God and is smiling down on her watching OVER her spirit not watching her in the dark like some stalker. Just like you still love her and have seen that she's learned from her experience, so has God so he's proud that she's learned and moved on.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:56 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • masturbation and dry humping is not a sin. Tell her she can do it all she wants and she's normal. The rest of us masturbate, why can't she? It's a normal and natural thing. I've been doing it and loving it since I was a little kid. God's not going to strike me down for enjoying what he created. It's safe sex. I'm not involving anyone else so there is no sin. It's all good.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:58 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • Perhaps she would feel better if she went to confession. Maybe she needs to hear that she is forgiven.

    I feel the need to add that although I was raised catholic, I am far from a bible thumper :0 In reality, I think it is all normal teen stuff, but confession was my first thought, so I figured I'd share. If your religion does not have a similar sacrament, please disregard!
    wanderingmuse

    Answer by wanderingmuse at 10:00 PM on Jul. 14, 2009

  • Masturbation is absolutely normal and okay, and she needs to know this ASAP. Tell her that it's a normal activity, that people do it for personal pleasure, than that it's okay for her to do it too. Tell her that it is a private activity but she should not feel guilty or dirty for masturbating.
    Mousuke

    Answer by Mousuke at 3:01 AM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • Masturbation and dry humping are normal and ok. She is not sinning and the only way she should be feeling guilty is because someone told her to feel that way. She needs to know that masturbation is ok and part of developing during puberty and beyond. Tell her that it is ok for her to do so but she needs to do it in private. God is not mad at her and would never be mad at her for doing something that is normal and ok. Geesh, what is wrong with people that they take a normal thing and turn it into a guilty, taboo thing? Way to make a child have issues about sex, their bodies, etc. People need to THINK before saying something to kids.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:42 AM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • It sounds like an adolescent therapist will be able to help her; the words that you are using are not the ones that she needs to hear
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 12:36 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • I agree that she needs counseling. Have you consulted with your pastor about counseling?
    motherofhope98

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 8:39 AM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • wow. masterbation is normal and it is appropriate for teens as they are growing and exploring their bodies to see what it can and can not do.... just wow.. this childs going to have alot of issues about her body and sex.. this puts her at a higher rate for having a eatting disorder as well .. people need to think about what they say to their kids about masterbation... IT IS NOT A SIN.......god made us and gave us the abilities to have orgasms and guess what , hes not going to kill us for self gratification... satisfying yourself is the road to great sex when your married...Meaning if she can turn herself on now, shes likelier to be able to have a healthly sex life later on in life when the right man comes along................People need to stop sending these kids the wrong message and making them feel bad about their bodies and the fear this lady put in her child about GOD is so unhealthy...GESH ..
    sweetwhite30

    Answer by sweetwhite30 at 3:42 AM on Jul. 17, 2009

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