Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)


ok so many of my friends have told me to go after my husband on adultery charges but i'm not sure what they mean or what (if anything) it will get me. I have already won physical custody of our daughter but he still have joint legal custody. also, we are not divorced yet, nor has one been filed. i sued for child and spousal support and got awarded both. He OPENLY ADMITS to being verbally/emotionally abusive in our marriage and that he had an affair and now lives with the girl. so here are my questions, how do i bring him up on adultery charges? is it part of the divorce? and what will it get me? my lawyer already told me she doesnt believe i will get allimony because we werent married long enough, just two years. help! i need advice!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:48 PM on Jul. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • My husband and I are ALMOST in the exact same situation....married almost two years when we separated....he has a child support order against him, but we haven't gone to court on custody issues yet....I've been the custodial parent since we've separated, and he maybe sees her once every two to four weeks....for a couple of hours. We haven't filed for divorce yet. I believe that the adultery would be part of the can file for divorce on the basis of adultery, abandonment, or abuse....or you can file for a no contest divorce, which means you agree on the circumstances...some states call in "incompatibility". As for what it means and what it will "get you", I'm not entirely sure.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:05 AM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • If you want to talk, please feel free to send me a message. I'm practically in the same situation.

    Answer by sophiafarris at 12:06 AM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • Did you get an award of spousal support or separate maintenance? If so wait until he sued fir divorce and you can counter sue for diivorce with thevreason being adultery and emotional abuse. Physical if it was physical. You want the sympathy of the judge. Do you have kids? If so there id child support but that is not alimony. You may want it on the record if there was abuse in case of custody issues later. You could ask for temporary alimony to help you get college classes to help you be independent. If you have kids you need it to get job and to hsve a transition time. Can't walk out in this economy and pick up a good job. You can ask fir share of his pension but it is only prorated based on his years worked versus years married.
    You don't sue for adultery but for divorce using adultery as a reason. Used to be stronger feelings against it but may still help. Nut remember that you are married until divorced.

    Answer by Sweet_Carol_126 at 12:16 AM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • If I were a Judge I would not be very sympathetic to a person who is being abused and was not the one who originally filed for divorce. NOW, if they were the ones that proceeded with action first then they would get my sympathy.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:48 AM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • If you were awarded both spousal and child support....I would let it go. You want to have a civil relationship with him for the sake of your child/children. The most important thing in a divorce is to make sure your children are okay. Right now you are hurt - trust me, I know, it happened to me, too emotional, verbal abuse and adultery several times. Even though you are hurting, don't strike back, it will only hurt your kids.

    Answer by bccdmmom at 1:57 AM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • Im not sure what state you live in but in California, you can divorce due to adultery, but it wont get you anything.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:52 AM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • Depending on the state you live in, you can sue the girl he's living with for monetary damages. I'm trying to think of what the name of it is - it's something "of affection" implying that she "stole" his affection away from you. Sounds crazy, but here in NC I've heard of it being used several times recently where them women have won amazing amounts of $$$. But as far as adultery charges - in some states it IS a crime, and if you can prove it I guess you could have him charged with it, surely it's a misdemeanor?

    Answer by missanc at 8:55 AM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • Good Luck Adultry (unfortunatly) means nothing...

    Move on with your life....Get rid of the anger...if you were not angry you would not have
    asked this question..

    Trust me in the end he did you a favor..

    Answer by Dannee at 9:46 AM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • For the sake of your kids, MOVE ON ALREADY. You are already divorced and rid of the idiot, so why do you want to keep dragging it on? You won't get anything out of going after him for adultery charges, let karma bite him in the ass. Get over the anger or whatever else you are feeling. Concentrate on your kids and your life and forget about the loser.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:16 AM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • If you can prove he had the means to commit adultery, then you can use that as grounds for divorce which means a quicker divorce. You should try to go for emergency family maintenance even if you can't get alimony. When someone told you can bring him up on charges they mean you can sue both him and the other person in a civil suit for adultery. This is becoming pretty popular these days and if you don't get alimony in the divorce, you should look into it.


    Answer by legalmommy101 at 12:23 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
wtf do i do??

Next question overall (Babies (0-12 months))
Baby sitting~