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Do you think a mom is a failure if....

All my kids left on their own because either they couldn't live by my rules and it was better at my mom's because she let them do whatever they wanted. My mom had no rules or never enforced them. They were at the ages of 14, and 15. Now they are 18, and 16. I feel like such a failure because I missed out on some of their lives. Now my youngest, age 14, ran away from home, we found her, and I sent her to live with her dad. Did I fail as a mom?

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jlburas

Asked by jlburas at 11:36 AM on Jul. 15, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (15)
  • I wouldn't say you were a failure as a mother. When kids get that age they seem to do what they want no matter what we say. You made the rules and you stood your ground....that's all you could do. Ease up on yourself...give yourself a break. Now that they are getting older you may be able to establish an adult relationship with them....but usually this doesn't happen until they are in their 20's. So hang in there, try to keep the lines of communication open with them, at least attempt to talk to them sometimes, let them know you do still love them and always will....but your rules still stand. Hang in there mom...it does get better!
    robinann5

    Answer by robinann5 at 11:41 AM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • i wouldnt say you failed as a mom, i dont know your whole story but just by reading this, it sounds like you care and love your kids, you may have made mistakes, but everyone does...its not too late to try new tactics if you feel you should. good luck momma!
    lilysmommy23

    Answer by lilysmommy23 at 11:43 AM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • You can only do what you can and if they want to walk all over you then thats what they will do. BUT they can't say you didn't care you had rules they didn't like it they left. I know that they will regret this choice later in life and I know right now is when you hurt. But I don't think that made you a failure!
    neveragain17

    Answer by neveragain17 at 11:43 AM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • HELL NO!!!. Sometimes you do things that you think are the right decision and sometimes they are and sometimes not but you did what you thought was right it sounds like your mom needs some lessons in parenting .ou need to set boundaries and some sort of rules. Don't blame yourself just try and work through and maybe get some help from an outside source it may help!! GOOD LUCK MAMA!!!
    Korysmom96

    Answer by Korysmom96 at 11:45 AM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • no, kids will be kids, my mom was an awesome mom and she kicked me out at 16 cuz i was goin nuts ha ha
    but that was just me being a teen, if she didnt kick me out i would have never realized how hard it really is 2 live on your own and support yourself
    Kamarias_mommy

    Answer by Kamarias_mommy at 11:45 AM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • no - just keep a line of communication open for them, so you can have a good relationship as they get older...hang in there:)
    scooterpooter

    Answer by scooterpooter at 11:47 AM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • No I don't think you failed as a mom. If you set the rules and your kids failed to respect them and you for that matter, than what else can you do? Once your kids are a little older like another poster stated, like in their 20s probably and out of that teenager mentality, I'm sure you will be able to reconnect them. And who knows. Maybe one day they will thank you for not letting them walk all over you.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 12:00 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • What would your kids have done if your mom hadnt taken them in?
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 12:14 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • Sounds like you might have some underlying issues you need to deal with. Are you overbearing, paranoid, and controlling?

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:41 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • I can't really say. My kids are still 10 years old and under and although they don't like my rules, I'm trying to raise them to be productive adults that respect the rules/laws and are able to contribute to society. I can't imagine saying "ok, since you don't want to be respectable people, just go somewhere that you can be worthless sacks". If I was going to be THAT way, I may as well just call ahead to the jail and make reservations for them now.


    But then, what do I know?? As I said before my kids are still young and impressionable. My kids aren't past the point of being steered in the right direction. Maybe your kids are past that point. If I were you I'd feel guilty too, but if they are lost causes, then there isn't much that you can do to fix that now.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:43 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

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