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DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO......

MY MOTHER GOT PUT INTO THE HOSPITAL LAST NIGHT AND SHE HAS SIGNED A DO NOT RESUSATE . I UNDERSTAND SHE IS TIRED OF HURTING, BUT I'M NOT READY TO LOSE HER. NOW I HAVE TO TELL MY 12 YR OLD DD, AND MY 15 YR OLD DS WHAT SHE DID. HOW DO I TELL MY KIDS THAT THERE GRANNY DID THAT WHEN I DON'T UNDERSTAND MYSELF? THE DOCTORS TOLD HER THERE WAS NOTHING THEY CAN DO FOR HER BUT KEEP HER COMFORTABLE. SHE HAS CONJESTED HEART FAILER, DIABETIC, KIDNEYS ARE FAILING. THE DOCTORS GAVE HER 2 MONTHS TO LIVE 4 MONTHS AGO. MY KIDS ARE THE ONLY GRANDKIDS OF HERS THAT IS REALLY CLOSE TO HER, BECAUSE THEY HAVE BEEN WITH HER, AND ME THERE WHOLE LIFE. PLEASE HELP ME! PLEASE PRAY FOR HER(SARAH STEPHENSON). MY BOYFRIENDS MOM IS IN SURGERY NOW HAVING A PACE MAKER PUT IN. PRAYERS FOR HER(LOVIE PERKINS) ALSO WOULD BE REALLY GREAT.

 
okc-mom-2

Asked by okc-mom-2 at 1:19 PM on Jul. 15, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (9)
  • I recently went through this with my grandmother. It was the most heartbreaking thing. But I would have been angry at my mother if she did not tell me the truth. I would have been angry with her if she didn't make it known that time was so limited with my grandmother. In many senses, I didn't know until my grandmother's final week, how limited time was. I think my mom was in denial. Tell your children that their grandmother does not have much time left, and give them the chance to visit and spend time with their grandmother if they can. You would be amazed at how much support your children have to offer for you after. You may want to set up some counseling... if not for the whole family, then for yourself. Losing a parent is the hardest thing. It shattered my mom... and I was extremely close to my grandma... if it wasn't for my son, I'd be in shambles, too.
    ShadesofGrey

    Answer by ShadesofGrey at 5:51 AM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • DON'T TELL YOUR KIDS ABOUT YOUR MOM'S DECISION, IT WILL ONLY CAUSE THEM MORE HURT. MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU. I AM SO SORRY YOU ARE GOING THROUGH ALL THIS.
    older

    Answer by older at 1:23 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • Its hard to tell kids something like that, they do not need to know her decision only that if she passes she will be in a better place. I will pray for your family, I hope everything turn out for the best.
    kirsty_mcgrail

    Answer by kirsty_mcgrail at 1:28 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • I wouldn't tell your kids your mothers decision, in the end what is it going to do besides hurt and confuse them?

    I would just let them know that the time is drawing near, and take them to see her as often as possible. Leave the DNR out of it.
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 1:31 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • My prayers are with you and your loved ones.
    Angeleyez08

    Answer by Angeleyez08 at 1:34 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • I agree with the above - don't tell the kids about her decision - that's really not for them to know and understand anyway. Just tell them how much she loves them, and let them see her as much as they - and she- wants. It's going to be hard - there's no getting around that - but just know that she is going home - she'll never again be sick or in pain, and she will forever be surrounded by love and grace and peace. In time, you'll be okay and so will your kids. Be there for them, and for your mom. It can't be easy on her either.

    God bless you and your family, y'all are in my prayers.
    jennijune_21

    Answer by jennijune_21 at 1:42 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • THANK ALL OF YALL FOR YALLS PRAYERS. I WILL LET YALL KNOW HOW EVERYTHING GOES. THANK YALL AGAIN.
    okc-mom-2

    Answer by okc-mom-2 at 1:45 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • What your having a difficult time with your mom's decision to let her self die? Why your crazy. Of course you can choose to tell them or not. I always choose to tell my kids who are 18,17 &15 the truth. I would express that it hurts me that Grandma has had to make the decision to not go on in horrible pain. I would cry and let them see that I am sad. I would talk to them. It makes me more human for my kids to see that. Mostly my kids amaze me by their humanity and compassion.
    Good luck honey. NO one is ready to hear that their parents are ready to go.
    mmmegan38

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 2:46 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • MY MOTHER HAS GOTTEN OUT OF THE HOSPITAL YESTERDAY. SHE HAS JUST A LIMITED DRINK INTAKE, THEY DON'T WANT HER TO START SWELLING AGAIN. THEY ARE JUST KEEPING HER COMFORTABLE SO SHE DON'T FEEL TO MUCH PAIN. I JUST WANT TO THANK ALL OF YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT, AND YOUR PRAYERS. THEY MEAN ALOT TO ME. GOD BLESS YOU ALL.
    okc-mom-2

    Answer by okc-mom-2 at 9:35 AM on Jul. 21, 2009