Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Has anyone else given birth to a soldier's baby before you were married? Do/Did you feel similar to this?

Long story short:
My fiance and I cannot get married because his ex wife (who left him months before I met him) has managed to avoid divorce proceedings for two years. He asked me to marry him last year, and two months later (only four days before he deployed for the second time) we discovered I was pregnant.
His battle buddies, 1st Sgt, and all the rest of his company know the situation. Neither they nor their spouses have ever directly said anything rude to me. However, I cannot help but feel out of place. He calls me his spouse, but in the Army's eyes we will never be a "real" family until we have a marriage certificate between us. I also cannot help but feel that the "real" wives in his company and battalion look down on me or something. I am always afraid of being thought of as one of those horrid women who get pregnant by soldiers on purpose! It does not help that I am a big hippie so I REALLY don't fit in.

Answer Question
 
EternalChild86

Asked by EternalChild86 at 2:55 PM on Jul. 15, 2009 in Relationships

Level 3 (13 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • He can get a divorce without her consent. He needs to talk to an attorney. Some states all it takes is posting an add in the paper of the persons last known city saying what is going on then after so many days of no response then the courts will finalize the divorce. That is how my mom divorced my dad. GL.
    Soniam301

    Answer by Soniam301 at 3:02 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • They have been separated for two years so that is what a legal separation would ask for before finalizing a divorce. Tell him to talk with his attorney. She can't stop the divorce by not signing.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:09 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • The problem is that he has gone through JAG, and his JAG attorney is in Iraq! Also, he had her officially served, but when he called 20 days later (as he had been told to do) to schedule the final hearing, he was told that since she no longer lived at the given address, they could not do anything. Someone is not doing their job properly at the local courthouse!!
    EternalChild86

    Answer by EternalChild86 at 3:17 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • your best bet is to get an attorney that specializes in divorce where the divorce was filed. It will cost money but hey at least you guys will be able to get married...
    Soniam301

    Answer by Soniam301 at 3:27 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • As an outsider here, perhaps the trouble isn't that have a child and you aren't his wife, but that someone else is. If a married friend or co-worker introduced me to their girlfriend, I wouldn't really want to get involved, either. I mean no offense. Just looking at it from a new perspective.
    lvpenguino

    Answer by lvpenguino at 3:30 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • lvpenguino....

    He was married for less than a month before she abandoned him without word or warning. His battle buddies think of me as more of a wife than she ever was. As I said, no one has said anything rude about me or the situation....it is just my personal feelings of not fitting in.
    EternalChild86

    Answer by EternalChild86 at 3:48 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • have him set up a final court date for the divorce. The lawyer can send a notice to the wife. If she doesn't show then he gets it by default. If she shows, she can tell the judge why she's not signing. he can grant the divorce anyway.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:48 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • For goodness sakes, then they can get an anulment and not a divorce if she abandoned him after 1 month
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:49 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • That is the problem Anon! He tried to do the final court date, but he is being told that he cannot since she has not responded! We know that is not the way it goes, you know it, but apparently the Bell County Courthouse doesn't!

    Actually, admckenzie, he found out that you have to be married at least six months prior to the separation in order to file abandonment.
    EternalChild86

    Answer by EternalChild86 at 4:33 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • Hmmm....this sounds like a situation where you would have the marriage annulled. I don't want to be mean here, but if it was important to him to marry you I think he would have already taken care of this.  If he truly does want to resolve this I agree with the PP - hire a local lawyer!

    blueberry1

    Answer by blueberry1 at 9:39 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN