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Need serious Christian counsel for tough situation

Two months ago I was meeting my parents at their house to go on a camping trip. The kids and I were a few minutes early and beat my mom there, but my dad was home. I went in the house to use the restroom and saw inappropriate content on his computer screen. I left before any uncomfortable situation arose. I had forgotten the incident until the other night when I was there and my mom asked me to help her order something on eBay since she doesn't use computers. In the pull down box for the web address were more suspicious sites. I remembered some of them and checked them when I got home. They were all transgendered sites - some of them networking - some shopping - some porn. Since then I have checked his internet history and it is a daily occurrence. What should I do? Confront him? Tell my mother and let her deal with it? I am not equipped to handle this. He is a pillar in our church, so I can't talk with my pastor


Asked by Anonymous at 5:37 PM on Jul. 15, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

This question is closed.
Answers (44)
  • Just know I love my father and have his best interests at heart. I am seriously considering what I will or won't do.

    This attitude is exactly what the Father wants you to have.  The church I attend we believe Love believes the best.  We approach in love and have the person's best interests in heart. We speak life into their spirit and tell them who they ARE in Christ Jesus (  dont tell him who he isnt, that is destructive)  . Your dad has forgotten who he is in Christ Jesus and NEEDS to be reminded of that and they should help him come around but know it will take time, there will be bounderies that need to be set by your mother concerning his computer usage. 


    Answer by Shaneagle777 at 12:02 AM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • wow it never stops amazing me how many ppl who claim to be soooo religious hide all theae little things. Did you know that men who are extreamly homophobic have more of a sexual response when shown gay porn then other normal men? any way when I was a kid the pastor at out church used to get off while the church ladies spanked him so sorry I have no advice for you

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:45 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • If you do not have something helpful to offer, please do not respond. What's the point? This is my family I am talking about and it is a serious issue with some very potentially devastating fallout.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:47 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • Why can't you talk to your Pastor about it? Anything like that that you approach him with should remain between the two of you. If you are afraid of "tarnishing" your dad's image to your Pastor, ask to speak with him and don't tell him who you are talking about. Tell him you saw these things at a close friend or relative's house.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:49 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • Talk to your father - in private. Let him know what you saw and give him a chance to open up to you. Do not be confrontational about it, though. Ask him if your mom knows and if not, when he intends to tell her. If he denies or refuses to acknowledge that it's an issue, then you need to find another to join with you in helping him - if not your mom, then perhaps a pastor or other trusted figure your father respects. Remember that you need to give him opportunity to come clean, but if he refuses to a second time, then let him know that you will tell your mom if he does not.

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 5:50 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • JP'sMommy605 - What you suggested is the direction I have been rehearsing in my head, but the thought of having that conversation makes me so uneasy. I have left our pastor out of it because they are friends and this info coming to light will devastate my father. I have been doing reading on Gender Identity Disorders from a Christian perspective and there is a chance he will be suicidal when he is discovered. I know I can't ignore it, but can't stand that I am in this situation. I am posting here because I don't want to tell my husband and tarnish his relationship with my father. Though I really could use his counsel.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:57 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • First of all, try to not assume you know what your father's response will be. Don't imagine a grim future and scare yourself out of doing anything at all. Go to him with God's love, open arms, acceptance of whatever his response will be. Pray for the peace of God's Love to flow through you into him. Don't assume you know his reasons for having those websites on the computer. Try to remove any pre-conceived notions and just be open and accepting of his response. Then take a deep breath and let it all go. Don't imagine the next step - just see yourself gently telling him what you saw. Then let it go after that and let the Spirit lead you.

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 6:07 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • Talk to your dad. It's really the ONLY way to go right now, because you don't know the whole story.

    Answer by gdiamante at 6:10 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • I had wished you had gotten some more really helpful responses. First, I think as a christian you should take this to the Lord in prayer. My father is a pastor, so I stopped for a minute and put myself in your shoes and thought about how you might feel. Devastated, I am sure. For the judgmental people....everyone struggles with sin, christian or not, so we have NO place to judge this man. Most christians are aware of the fact that they sin. Okay, op, once you have prayed about this with your husband (if you have one), then do what God tells you to do. My initial instinct is the same as the helpful post. You go to your dad in private and in confidence. Theres no reason to call the pastor because its not his business. This is your family. If this were a person in your church, then the pastor would be the right avenue, but deal with your dad privately. Tell him what you saw and ask him to explain it to you. Give him an opportun..

    Answer by momofsaee at 7:02 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • ity to confess to you. Let him know that you are very worried and you know this level of behavior is destructive. Ask him how he plans on dealing with it. Be supportive. Its likely your dad will need help overcoming this issue if its been a problem for a long time. Let him know that you would like him to speak to your mother and confess to her as well. The secrecy is where the sin lies. He has to want to change this before he can be successful at it. Let him know that if he is unwilling to come clean to your mom, then you will. Give him a time frame. Once this is out in the open, let them handle it from there. Meaning if they want to speak with their pastor and get help from him, then it will be their choice and not someone tattling on them. He may very well decide to go to his pastor for help. It would likely be in his best interest to step down from his position until he gets this submitted to the Lord. Not because it looks

    Answer by momofsaee at 7:06 PM on Jul. 15, 2009