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Ex wife causing rift between daughter,ex husband and I

Ex wife(biomom) is playing her daughter against me and her biodad. This has be going on for a long time. Husband tries to keep the peace between the three of us. He only has visitation on weekends. He lost most of his rights during their divorce. Another long story.
Daughter is holding a huge grudge against me for not having her cats and dog with us. We lost our home to foreclosure. Daughter lives with biomom and her current husband. We tried to get the biomom to take back cats and dog since she's the one who gave us alot of cats.Biomom refused. I feel this anger at me is misplaced and should be directed at her biomom. Husband tells me the his daughter wants to push me down a flight of stairs and hates me. I even asked him what she really said. He just replied. "you would leave me". I feel that the biomom is feeding the child lies, jealous that her ex husband has moved on. Heck, even the child was happy with me and herbiodad

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Asked by Chrissysfirst at 8:48 PM on Jul. 15, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (5)
  • Look, your feeding into it. Why bother even being upset. Only you have the power to control your thoughts and feelings. You cannot control what this woman tells her daughter and you are not in control of how your SD thinks and feels. So trying is an exercise in futillity. You can continue to spin your wheels or do what your husband has done....move on. Your husband shoud really not even be telling you that your SD hates you. Unless your physical safety is really in danger he needs to let the interactions between you and his daughter be just that - between you and her. Not have him in the triangle. Take a step back, take each visit as they come, don't try to parent her, do be friendly and if she wants be her friend. If she has a negative interaction with you address it right there, you and her. Save your energy, enjoy your family, enjoy her visits and as the adult reach out to make peace or at least things easier

    Answer by frogdawg at 8:59 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • for her. After all you are the grown up.

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:00 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • Honestly? As much as I love my stepbabies, the moment they get violent with me they will not be permitted into my home. My husband will have to have his visitation with them elsewhere, should that happen. He knows it and has agreed to it ahead of time.

    As for the issue, screw the BM. You can't control her or her pawn. One day, hopefully, the kid will realize what a horrible person her mother was, but that's way down the garden path from now.

    Control you. Make sure your husband and yourself are on the same team. Absolutely insist that your husband ensure your safety during his daughter's visits or he can have them elsewhere.

    Oh, and always check the staircase for a trip wire.

    Answer by Avarah at 11:06 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • I agree with frogqawq. However, I would be concerned with such a specific threat. Kids my say they hate you, but to say they want to push you down the stairs? do you have stairs? Handle each visit as frogqawq says. But be prudent, and watch yourself so that do danger is possible. The next time the cats come up, just say that subject is closed. If you want cats you will have to discuss that with your mother. And they talk about something else.

    Answer by moneymagnetmom at 11:23 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • Thanks to all and I need to take visitation one at a time. Be the adult and try not to let the BM irritate me. If the SD wants to involve me in safe activites(i.e. not to physically hurt me) that's fine i will participate. The Biodad has issues he needs to deal with his Ex BM. I need to keep an open mind on the SD and pray that one day she will see the truth.

    Answer by Chrissysfirst at 7:13 PM on Jul. 20, 2009

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