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desperatly needing help with 9 year old boy. the temper! the attitude! the disregard for authority! the selfishness! some please have the answer!!

what can i do to get the behavior i want?

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bunny678

Asked by bunny678 at 8:51 PM on Jul. 15, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (10)
  • Ahhh...I feel better. My son must be normal because I get the exact same behavior. :)

    What I have found helps is to treat him more like an adult. Give him responsibility - my son thrives on it. When he "gets" to mow the lawn, he feels so mature and grown up that he acts that way too. I trust him to get a screwdriver and fix something instead of doing it for him and he responds positively. Basically, I found that treating him like a little kid, which he had been up until this attitude change, wasn't working anymore. They want to be allowed to grow up and be a big kid. I don't know...he's not perfect still..but it's better! Good luck!
    goldenfox

    Answer by goldenfox at 9:01 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • Don't let him have any priviliges till he can mind. Exactly what is the problem? I have an 8 year old that test me and he has found out lots of times he's not going to get his way.
    Patty414

    Answer by Patty414 at 9:04 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • believe me he doesn't get his way but that doesn't always prevent him from exlpoding every so often. daddy has been working lots and our 20 month old takes up quite a bit of time. tough balancing everything all the time. need tips on what words to use when speaking to him when he is in these moods. i have taught him from early to express himself with words but right now he is choosing to either use disrespectful words or physical expression. we are quite isolated from resources so am not able to use those tools.
    bunny678

    Answer by bunny678 at 9:21 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • I created a spot for my son to go when he's having temper issues. It's just a designated stop where he has to sit until I can see that he has his temper under control. It's worked very well. Over time the need for the spot has seriously decreased. I guess it's kind of like a "time out" spot, but, for his temper. Where no one is allowed to bother him, which helps get his temper back under control. (You know, if you mess with a person thats already pissed off, the person just gets more pissed off).

    I send him there when I don't like his "tone" or attitude also.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:31 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • wow my son is the same way accept he uses filthy language to express himself. I've discovered he needs extreme discipline to make him stop and think..
    MarGeee

    Answer by MarGeee at 9:38 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • I would tell my son that he had sapped my energy. His punishment for that would be a chore. After a few times, all I had to say was that he was starting to sap my energy, and he would usually stop. He would have to wipe out the refridge shelves, or wipe the fingerprints off the walls, etc. Hope this helps.
    moneymagnetmom

    Answer by moneymagnetmom at 11:07 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • we are having the same trouble with my 9 year old son. and i agree. start giving more responsibility. i was treating him like such a child and now that we have him do more grown up things and allow him to help with things dad does ect. he likes the responsibility and he doesn't act out as much. don't get me wrong he still has his moments but it's like when he's included with the grown up things he acts a lot better toward us and is more respectful and happy. good luck
    cleo2582

    Answer by cleo2582 at 1:06 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • Maybe he has too much energy and no where to let it out. Have you tried to get him into soccer, baseball, boyscouts? Or maybe the family could start going to the Gym together, or since its summer you all could go for a jog in the morning or the evening hours. Take him out to go fishing. Get him a partner, or a big brother. I was that way when I was young, really I was just bored and angry. If we can do something with him bordom, something productive, we can tackle the anger more productively.
    Hollytree

    Answer by Hollytree at 3:54 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • I think you may have my son, and really no rush to return him......rofl!! I get the same thing from my 9 year old. It is like everything I say he HAS TO say the oppisite! I have tried working on it but have not gotten very far. I don't really have an answer, but wanted you to know that you are not alone. Now I am going to read the other responses and get some ideas on what to do.
    dianna2402

    Answer by dianna2402 at 6:34 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • Sounds like he needs some one-on-one time.  If nothing else, to create a positive experience between you both to get you through the bad times.  Go have fun the 1st time,  Then do again, this time talk to him about his behavior without accusing, but letting him know that you can see he is really angry, whats bothering him and that he needs to communicate it without a tantrum.  The one-on-one time will get you both an opportunity to create some fun and an opportunity to talk away from others and your everyday environment.  There are some good books for kids and parents on anger   http://astore.amazon.com/wwwcjkidzcom3-20?node=22&page=1

    momjs

    Answer by momjs at 9:44 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

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