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"Dad is an idiot"

My 13 year old step daughter makes this comment all the time about her dad. He was only 16 when she was born and has raised her without the help of her bio mom. He finished high school, but did not get to go to college. He is by no means dumb and has done a great job as a parent, he doesn't do anything that would qualify him as "dumb". Yet she always makes comments such as " dad is an idiot that doesn't know anything", "you're stupid dad, you don't even have a degree", " you don't have a brain, therefore I am not listening to you".
She uses this logic as a means to not listen to him, and to rebel. Not to mention it really breaks his heart to hear her say hurtful things like this.
Is this her age, or something else going on? Any advice on how to deal with it?

 
WishyClarkson

Asked by WishyClarkson at 8:56 PM on Jul. 15, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 9 (305 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • It is her age. Teenage girls can be down right nasty. Tell you dh not to take it personal, all girls do this, usually towards their mother, but in her case she doesn't have her bio mother, do it's dad. She will out grow it but unfortunatly it takes several years! Hang in there! I would tell dh to tell his dd, that even though she may think he's dumb,or and idiot, she can think whatever she wants, but he is her father and no matter what what he says goes! Buckle your seat belts you've enter the world of teenage hormones!
    robinann5

    Answer by robinann5 at 9:02 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • I'm sorry but i would pop her in the mouth. So much disrespect.
    ChaoticSoul

    Answer by ChaoticSoul at 9:01 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • I would whip that ass I am sorry but she should have been learning about respecting adults at an early age. That is so rude to talk to anyone like that. Thats what I would have gotten.

    (She should know that there are many people who didn't go to college and are very sucessful. Bill Gates Donald Trump.)

    CarsBars08

    Answer by CarsBars08 at 9:05 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • It doesn't matter what the her reason is, that is just flat out disrespectful. She should be getting punished everytime she says something like that to anyone, ESPECIALLY the people who are raising her && providing for her. Y'all need to teach her respect NOW, before she gets any worse.

    I wish my child would say something like that to me or my SO, he would be in for a very rude awakening.
    HisMommySince07

    Answer by HisMommySince07 at 9:07 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • He is the bio parent, he is the target of her aggression and disrespect, he needs to deal with it. There is a little thing call parenting and another letting your kids ran all over you.
    If she says: "dad is an idiot that doesn't know anything" Where is your PhD in psychology to make that determination? Until you earn one shut up. If she says: "you're stupid dad, you don't even have a degree" I don't have a degree but I managed to support you and love you so until you are on your own, this idiot puts a roof over your head and food in your plate and expects some respect, so you better start treating me as you father and not your door mat. If she says: "you don't have a brain, therefore I am not listening to you" Again, at your early age your own brain isn't fully develop so I won't even dignify your comment with an answer, from now own I suggest you take a deep look into the mirror and tell me what is really bothering you
    bebita

    Answer by bebita at 9:27 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • Wow...my mom would have slapped me in the mouth if I EVER spoke to her that way!!!!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:31 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • he's allowed her to say this for how long? Someone needs to teach her that her words are hurtful and abusive. Her future husband won't appreciate you two not teaching her respect for others. Her dad needs to tell her that he loves her but he wants her to stop saying hurtful words to him or to anyone. I don't care how old she is or what phase she is going through there is no cause for verbal abuse.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:59 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • My mom would've too, Anon. My mom would STILL slap me across the face if I said something so dispicable to her, and I'm pushing 40. She'd be right, too.

    Wishy, your stepdaughter does this because she's 13 and because she's getting away with it. He's the grown up and has to own the responsibility. Lay down the ground rules and follow through on them. You say X and Y will happen. Every single time. Even if he's tired.

    I respectfully disagree with bebita. I think that arguing with a child is ridiculous and just tells her that she's hitting her mark. Every response just gives power to her nasty comments.
    Avarah

    Answer by Avarah at 11:02 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • I agree with everyone. How disrespectful. When my kids said something inappropriate I flicked their mouth.Index finger under the thumb and flicked their cheek by the corner. It hurts for a moment, and really illustrates the mouth. My kids learned quickly. I also told them "whose rule is it to respect your parents?" Is it mine, etc. they would answer no- it is God's rule. This reminded them as well and worked wonders. My third suggestion, is a church class, or scouts. Pick something that will focus on good things. He needs to handle this now, because if she doesn't respect him now, she won't listen to him the next couple of years. Those years are drugs, pregnancy, etc. She needs help to become a lady who knows if you can't say something nice don't say it at all. Good Luck.
    moneymagnetmom

    Answer by moneymagnetmom at 11:02 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • WOW!! My mom would have smacked me across the face. It is his fault for allowing her to do this. He needs to put his foot down and not accept her behavior. Take everything away, don't do anything for her, take her nowhere, until she changes her attitude.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:08 PM on Jul. 15, 2009