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To split or not to split

Me and my DH has been together for almost 8 years. We have a 5 yr. old son. We have been growing apart for the past year or so. We have no connection anymore. He does his thing, I do mine. Even during loving there is no spark. I very much believe in trying everything to make a marriage work. It should be till death does us part. But he believes other wise. A month ago we were actually talking calmly about just separating for a while. But I am worried about losing my home and it affecting my son. I went through 5 months of hell to buy this home I am not willing to give it up. And I am really worried about my son and the affects it might have. He doesn't want daddy to leave. He thinks if he leaves that he won't have a dad no more. I really need some help. Right now we are just hanging on by a thread. One more fight and I am afraid he may leave. He already knows where he will live. I want to save it. Please give me advise.

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zachysmommy04

Asked by zachysmommy04 at 11:39 PM on Jul. 15, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (10)
  • Try The Love Dare. It's a book and you can buy it at any bookstore or place that sells books (like walmart and target).
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:43 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • Is that the book from FIREPROOF. We watched the movie like 5 times and my husband still doesn't get it. And he is a fireman.
    zachysmommy04

    Answer by zachysmommy04 at 11:45 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • Not to sound rude but what do you think your fighting does to your child? Don't you think that has an effect on him? I think it probably does. It's sounds like it's over. If he already has a place to live that's not with you than he's going to leave anyway. I say you cut ties while you can still possibly salvage a friendship out of it. Don't make him stay if he's not happy. Your son will see that and possibly resent you for it later. Let him go. If his father wants to stay in his life he will. And I hope he does. I hope everything works out okay.
    keb7

    Answer by keb7 at 11:46 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • Read the book, seek counceling. You guys made your relationship that way by not tending to each other. Maybe he don't get the movie, (it is kinda cheesy), maybe the book will work. tell him you want 2 days alone with him during the week and 2 days as a family and 1 day with just him and the kid (you have 1 day with u and the kid too). Do this for 6 months, and have family dinners as often as possible. I guarantee something will come of that. And if after 6 months of trying the way I said, keeping it routine, you both still feel the same way u do now, go ahead and hire a lawyer.. If there is no infidelity, or abuse (verbal or physical), and it's just a matter of being tired of each other, then I believe this is fixable..Good Luck!! I'll pray for u
    mumma28

    Answer by mumma28 at 11:54 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • Why would your son think he won't have a dad if you divorce? Half of all kids parents are divorced, it's the norm. Kids still have moms and dads when parents get divorced.

    Loosing your home is tough. You can find another home. It may be even better than the one you have now that may have bad memories.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 11:58 PM on Jul. 15, 2009

  • My son just doesn't understand that daddy is only going to live down the road. That daddy will be hear alot to see him. He thinks that if daddy leaves he is never coming back. I have tried to explain it to him. And also if I lose my home now I will never be able to afford or have the credit to buy another home.
    zachysmommy04

    Answer by zachysmommy04 at 12:04 AM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • Fight for your marriage. Your son doesn't need to worry about these issues. The book is a good tool and a good place to start. Check it out, don't worry about if your husband want to read it, just do it yourself...can't hurt, might help.
    Raboinstar

    Answer by Raboinstar at 12:30 AM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • I know this might sound like a high school essay, but you need to sit down and ask yourself what the good things in your relationship are and then also the bad things. You should write them down and have your spouse do the same thing. I know things have been rocky for a long time, but as you go over your lists, try to decipher what is really bad and what might be just small quirks, also emphasize when something good comes up. Like I love the way you looked at my on our wedding day and/or when our son was born. Try to really TALK about the bad things but don't forget the good either. Make a point of talking to your son, yes he is only 5 so it is hard for him to grasp the concept right away. Make sure that both of you are present that way it is not just you TELLING him, actions speak. And if the three of you do something together, and even spend time with another "split" family to show him that mom and dad need to be happy too.
    AngMomma

    Answer by AngMomma at 1:29 AM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • p>Along with the good and bad of your relationship, you should talk about the reasons that you fell in love to begin with and also why you have stayed together for almost an entire decade. Ultimately, no matter what anybody says in these answers to your question, or what your friends and family say, the decision is up to you and your spouse. Only you know if you are truly happy and if you are still in love with each other. If things do not work out, then talk to your son about your decision together. Go into it with a game plan. Try showing him where daddy is going to be living, and if possible walk it together, show him how close he will really be. Another tactic that I found helpful with a little boy at the daycare that I worked at was to talk to him about happiness. Ask if he thinks mommy and daddy are happy and explain the importance of being happy. As far as your home, look into spousal and child support as a supplement.
    AngMomma

    Answer by AngMomma at 1:38 AM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • Oh my Poor Girl. My heart aches for you! No wonder you're getting migraines! This is A toughie! It seems Everyone sooner or later goes through this! Do you have time for the two of you? Are you growing apart? Do you do the things you two did to keep the love going & Growing? Are you getting past that 7 year itch? I wish you the Best. Concentrate on the Good & Building. I wish I coud hug it all away..Don't Sweat the Small Stuff!! I know that''s not Easy. Concentrate on making you 2 Happy!! A friend of mine had an argument with his DW. She was Mad over A Chipmunk eating her Seeds she planted in the Garden. Her DH liked the chipmunk. They founght over that! The fight was the last thing they talked about. She suddenly died in her sleep. All he can think of was that stupid Fight & A chipmunk & unable to repair it! Live togther & fight for the Love that drew you together!! I wish you & your Family the Best!! I Care Girl!
    Angellinda

    Answer by Angellinda at 11:13 AM on Jul. 16, 2009

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