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whatmore can i do?

My daughter and I have always been very close. She is24 years old. Her husband is coming between us. I fel he is jealous of our relationship.
They have a 1 year old baby girl who is the light of my life. Her husband is a liar and a fake. He talks a lot of good lines to people. Its even went so far as hes getting the pastors of their church involved. He talks to me about things and then when I talk to my daughter and tel her what he says he then denies that he said those things. I raised my daughter in a church background. We dont believe in divorce. Thats not what i want for her but things canot continue as they are now. I've tried to work with her husband but he refuses to do some of the things i've suggested. He tells her and me also that he wants to improve our relationship but then doesnt. He seen the pastor last fall and pastor suggested things he could do but never followed thru.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:23 AM on Jul. 16, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (9)
  • Your daughter has to make her own decisions now. If she is fine with the way things are going in her life then as a parent you just have to sit back and let her live her life. If she is unhappy all you can do is support her and let her make the choice that is right for her.
    ronjwake

    Answer by ronjwake at 2:30 AM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • I agree, i have never believed in meddling in other people's relationships, she chose this man as her husband and you have to let them work things out together. Keep your relationship with her about you and her and leave his stuff out of it.
    Redhead7008

    Answer by Redhead7008 at 9:44 AM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • Suggest to your daughter that the three of you all go see a family counsellor. If that doesn't work and the situation is really bad, maybe its time to consider divorce.
    DCchick06

    Answer by DCchick06 at 10:45 AM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • you want your dd to get a divorce bc her dh doesn't like you and wont' jump through your hoops? Maybe you should keep your nose out of their business and they will be fine. Maybe he just lies to you bc he knows it drives you up a wall. Good grief lady, lighten up and leave them alone. She's an adult now. She doesn't need you to run her life. I'm sure that's why he's being a jerk. If you are such a church person then "let go and let God".
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:40 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • "you want your dd to get a divorce bc her dh doesn't like you and wont' jump through your hoops? Maybe you should keep your nose out of their business and they will be fine. Maybe he just lies to you bc he knows it drives you up a wall. Good grief lady, lighten up and leave them alone. She's an adult now. She doesn't need you to run her life. I'm sure that's why he's being a jerk. If you are such a church person then "let go and let God"."

    Were you not paying any attention to this woman's post when she said that her family does not belive in divorce and that it's not what she wants for her? Honestly if you are going to reply to someones post make sure you understand it and have the details from it before you look like an ignorant person. Now on to the actual post. I am in the same situation as you daughter, except I am not married and my SO doesnt interact with my family. If he makes it that difficult for your
    (cont)
    littlest.angel

    Answer by littlest.angel at 5:39 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • (contd)
    relationship with your daughter, then try seperating your relationship with her from his. You don't have to love your SIL in order to love and support your DD. I hope this helps.
    littlest.angel

    Answer by littlest.angel at 5:41 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • she needs to see this for herself, keep dropping clues and examples.
    lawla

    Answer by lawla at 10:17 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • Leave them alone.. Let your daughter deal with her husband.. If she comes to you, comfort her and do what you can, but as horrible as it sounds, you are interfering.. I understand that you love your daughter and you are trying to help, but this is your daughter's marriage.. Stop trying to talk to her husband.. Stop giving him suggestions.. It's not your place.. Tell him to take his problems to his own mother.. Let your daughter handle her own marriage..
    ~IN MY OPINION~
    Mad_Hexer

    Answer by Mad_Hexer at 11:57 AM on Jul. 20, 2009

  • You said.........."Thats not what i want for her but things canot continue as they are now. I've tried to work with her husband but he refuses to do some of the things i've suggested."

    I'm sorry, but it sounds like you need to butt out. Who are you to decide that things cannot go on as they are now - this is not your marriage - it's your daughter's. Sorry to offend, but Mad Hexer is right. You're interfering. This whole thing might actually get better if you would stop trying to push it so hard. And from what I read - he's seeking the counsel of his pastor, while you're running between him and your daughter playing he said/she said. And contrary to what you want to hear - it sounds more like you are the one who is jealous that he has taken your daughter from you. Well, church lady, read what your bible says about when two become one. And just like someone else said - Let go and let God.

    PaceMyself

    Answer by PaceMyself at 4:57 PM on Jul. 20, 2009

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