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Hi Clubmom family I have a question, when two people r married is there anything as privacy between them. I thought marriage was the two persons becoming one. I don't understand how can they keep things from eachother and say that it is private. Any thoughts on this will be appreciated.

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Asked by carltom at 7:52 AM on Jul. 16, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (7)
  • Yes marriage is two people coming together as one (in my eyes) so no there is no such thing as privatcy. I don't keep anything from my SO and he doesn't either.

    Answer by raemommy at 7:57 AM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • You don't stop having your own thoughts, dreams and preferences when you get married. Also, every marriage is different. I figure, as long as both partners have the same basic expectations for a marriage, there's no problem if one marriage is much less "sharing-y" than another.

    Answer by SWasson at 7:58 AM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • I agree with both of you as to two people coming together as one. We don't keep anything from each other but I don't go looking thru his emails. For some reason, I find that to be private and I would hope he doesn't read my emails. I guess you would say that I find our each respective emails to be private. But there's no such thing as something being private. Unless he's planning a surprise for you??? Maybe he doesnt' want to tell you until the timing is right. I know it will nag at you...

    Answer by mschanng at 8:01 AM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • Well, yes when we are married, we do become one and no there is no privacy. BUT, we are still separate people and we cant share a brain. I have personal notes and thoughts that I write down and sometimes prayers. They are personal and I dont want to share them. I feel they are between me and God. If I am struggling with something, I will share with my husband for sure, so he can support me, but many thoughts and dreams and even expectations, I keep to myself. Things such as where I am going, what I am doing, if I am spending money, anything to do with the kids, any friends I am hanging out with....ect....those are details that I have no right to keep from him. So while I do have personal things I have written for my benefit that I feel are life is basically an open book for my husband. We dont keep secrets.

    Answer by momofsaee at 8:09 AM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • I agree there is no privacy, to a point. You shouldn't keep secrets, but I don't think you have to tell him every single, miniscule thought that crosses your mind either. Also, I keep a journal. There's usually nothing in it that I haven't told him or will tell him, but I would expect him to show me the simple respect of not reading it without at least asking me if he can. I would let him, but to me, that's a matter of respect. I also think that sometimes a secret is ok. Not telling him what you're planning for his birthday, or him not telling you what he bought you for Christmas is fine. Not telling him where you're going or who you're going to be with is not fine. E-mails, phone calls, stuff like the journal, ask if you can read. Not b/c of your spouse's privacy, but the other person on the other end of those communications. That person is entitled to privacy. And again, it's about respect.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 8:30 AM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • A married couple are still two seperate indivduals with two seperate thoughts, feelings, emotions, ect. Privacy, IMO, falls into the catagory of respect between one another. You have certain boundaries that each other respect with no malacious intent for having the boundaries and there is nothing wrong with it.
    When it comes down though, to someone claiming "privacy" to want to be deceptive or hide something from their spouse or SO, then that is when there is an issue. That is just lying and trying to mask it with a different word.
    So yes, I believe a married couple can have things that are "private" to just each individual. Just as long as it's not something that is detrimental to the relationship.

    Answer by Melindakc at 9:26 AM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • If my fiance told me that he did not want to tell me something...

    that it is private.....

    It would be a surprise of some sort for me...

    I do not believe in anything being private in a marriage nor does my fiance....

    Some people can live their lives that way and that is fine...
    for me personally nothing is private between husband and wife....

    Answer by Dannee at 9:48 AM on Jul. 16, 2009

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