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My 16 y/o is mad...again

My 16 y/o daughter had a chance to go acroos the country for school. She would have been gone for a week and during school. She is a straight A student, but we told her no, now she is furious! The same old stuff-we don't trust her, we don't let her do anything. The fact is, we don't want her to do the connecting-flight thing, finding the people she was to meet, etc. Not to mention the cost. We did the right thing....right??

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hmkr38

Asked by hmkr38 at 8:52 AM on Jul. 16, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • idk.. i think shes 16 and old enough to do the connecting flights and if she is a straight A student id give her the benefit, plus this is a once in a lifetime thing! money is the only issue but if its worth enough for her to be happy and have this experience id do what i could so she could go!
    preggoinmn

    Answer by preggoinmn at 8:56 AM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • Wouldnt there be parents there as well? I think that you should have let her go. If she is a stright A student then she would know how to read the signs to find her next flight. And if she has trouble she seems bright enough to ask someone where she should be going. I did my first flight like that when i was 12 and i did just fine. All you need to do is make sure that she has a phone so she can call for help if she needs it and she can call you to check in. Like tell you that the first flight just landed and let you know when the 2nd flight is about to take off. And im sure she wouldnt be the only one going on the trip. So there would be other people there with her that can also help. But if you feel that she is not ready for that then that does seem like a trust thing to me. You dont trust that she will be able to do what she needs to. This is just my opinion. Sorry if i sound rude...
    Shelii

    Answer by Shelii at 9:01 AM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • I don't think it is my business to tell you if you did the right thing or not, that is between you and her father. However, there are a few things to consider. Did you tell her yes at first and then changed your mind? I don't think that would be fair, but that is life sometimes. Also, has she made an attempt to make financial contributions to this trip such as getting a part-time job or doing extra chores around the house? Is it possible that either you or her father could go with her as a chaperonon the trip? At the age of 16 I went on a trip to another country but I worked my butt off saving for the trip and my dad went with me. If no of this is possible at this time, then if you and the father agree let her know that maybe next year so can go on another trip for school. That way it will give her plenty of time to prepare and maybe save her birthday money, Christmas money, etc, if she really wants to go.

    JeremysMom

    Answer by JeremysMom at 9:02 AM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • If going meant she would be traveling alone, I would not have let her go. I simply do not think that most 16-year old girls are mature enough to be able to handle emergency type situations that are very apt to occur when traveling cross country. And if it was going to overreach the family budget, that would have been even more reason to not allow the trip. Teens have to learn that part of growing up is learning to be willing to give up some things for the good of the family and that they can't always do what they would like to do. The fact that she is so angry is a good indication that she hasn't quite learned that yet.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:03 AM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • she prob is angry cause it is a once in a lifetime thing perhaps.. im 27 and i still get angry when i miss out on something that was a once in a lifetime thing i mean no temper tantrums just like a damnit why but she may be mature but still a teen in a sense where things may bug her more doesn't mean she is NOT mature for her age! i traveled alone at 14 and managed just fine.. and when shes 16 having to give something up for the good of the family?? at that age isn't the family supposed to support her and HER needs and HER education and HER successes vs your own anymore. now its all bout your childrens wants and needs now
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:07 AM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • She is a straight A student and you did not let her have this opportunity? You asked for honest opinions, yes, if you could have come up with the money, this would have been a great experience.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 12:00 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • Well..... she's a straight A student. And there would almost positively be parents there (like chaperones). I think you should let her go. She seems mature enough with her grades, etc to be able to go (especially with parents there). If money is an issue, tell her she needs to help by saving money from Christmas, birthdays, chores, etc. If she commits to it then I see no reason as to why she can't go.

    [If you're still really worried about her being by herself, ask if you can go as a chaperone.]
    Emma1017

    Answer by Emma1017 at 12:22 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • Is she meeting parents? If the only unsupervised time is in the airport, then I think you can let her go. Now, if it's not in the budget, that's one thing. But if you're telling her you don't trust her to read airport signs, then that might be what's making her angry.
    apexmommy

    Answer by apexmommy at 12:57 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • I agree. I did a heck of alot at 16 - travelled to Europe (though accompanied, there are still lots of choices to make and situations to face). I think if she is smart enough to get such good grades, I'd go along with it. connecting flights are not such a big deal - she has to be willing to go up and bug who ever she needs to get the right information, and not give up if she has a problem, but 90% of the time there are no issues. I'd let her try... and just be there for long distance support if needed. I'd even suggest she approach parents with young children for help - they know the ropes of travelling kids - and would be a safe bet for help & support in case of problems.
    PhillyinFrance

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 6:14 AM on Jul. 20, 2009

  • I was a runner in grammer school and pretty fast. And I loved it. The coach wanted me to join the team. My parents said no. They wanted me to concentrate more on school even though I was a good student. I'm 41 now, and I still remember this. I still remember how hurt I was, I still remember how angry I was. I still wonder how far I really could have gone if I'd just been allowed to live my destiny. I know it could have been far. What I'm saying is, if she has an opportunity, and you have the money, let her go. Please don't hold her back from her destiny, because of your fears. She has to grow. She has to learn to make her own decisions, and she will be alright. I let my daughter fly her first solo before she was even 12. I was terrified but was assured by the airline that they have lots of kids who travel alone, and they look out for them. They did and she was fine. If it's not too late, please let her go.
    sicsty8teens

    Answer by sicsty8teens at 11:36 AM on Jul. 20, 2009

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