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I don't like my stepson.. Please help me! I don't know what to do now!

My stepson is 8 and is the meanest kid I've ever met. He's rude to everyone in the family. He punched me in the stomach the other day then asked if I was pregnant. I said no, why? And he said because he wanted to kill the baby (which freaks me the hell out) He doesn't want anything to do with my husband unless he's spending money on him. He uses my parents and my husbands parents. Then after getting what he wants, tells them he hates them and wants to go home. He won't do what we say and spanking or taking things away don't help. His mom wants him to come live with us, but I know I couldn't deal with it. I literally hate him and he scares me. He's so violent and has threatened to kill and no one but me and my parents see that he's unlike other kids. I love my husband and don't want a divorce, but I just can't deal with his child.. Am I being immature? I just feel terrible about myself right now

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:46 AM on Jul. 16, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • it sounds like the kid needs therapy for some type of underlying anger issue. i would talk to your dh & his mom about it.
    scooterpooter

    Answer by scooterpooter at 11:49 AM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • I've tried.. I get told, oh all other kids are like that and since I'm just the stepmom I don't have any rights to do anything. He's so scary and he's been this way the whole time we've been married, it's just gotten so much worse lately. Before, he was just a whiney self centered kid and now he's turned into MEAN.. My husband is mad that I feel like I do about him, but I just can't stand to be around him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:54 AM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • You both need counselling .....you want him to be all lovey etc etc yet your attitude stinks ( I hate him ) you should be saying I love my stepson and need to find a way to help him ...Poor kid he has problems and needs help and love

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:57 AM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • That is not normal behavior for an 8 year old. Get that child into therapy ASAP!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:58 AM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • DIVORCE Tammy Wynette said it best !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:59 AM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • Tell dad & mom & dad that the only way he can live w/ you, is if he gets SERIOUS counseling & therapy. That would be the only way! Make an ultimatum!

    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 12:01 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • Your concerns are justafyable, and your feelings are too, just don't act on the hatred part, but be causious of the fear part. Your stepson needs therapy, immediately and most importantly. Your family should do therapy together too, b/c sometimes (my opinion) people, even kids, can fool even a trained professional, and if you both are in therapy to deal with whats really going on (from all 3 perspectives), then the therapist can help the family dynamics, not just the child.

    If your stepson is like this at age 8, how big, mean, and dangerous would/could he become in years to come?

    Whether or not his mom will help, when he is in your families care/home, he should be getting help. You don't need his mom's permission to get him help when he's in your husbands care, assuming your husband has some kind of joint custody.

    I would also start keeping a journal about everything. This is to protect you and your husband.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:01 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • Sounds like there is a problem there that will be handled best by seeing someone. 8 yo dont punch women in the stomach to try & kill the baby c'mon.
    Mel30248

    Answer by Mel30248 at 12:03 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • Anon 11:54 ::::: Say whatever it is that you want. Fact is I have been doing this for over 3 years now. I do love him and want whats best for him, but I dislike the child and I can't be around him anymore. He's mean, he cusses and because his mother doesn't discipline, when he comes here Thursday night and stays until Sunday night he doesn't know how to act. My husband works most weekends, so I'm left to keep him. He can be nice but it's about once every 5 to 7 months where he spends a good day. Im at my wits end and I might not be trying hard enough, but I just am having a nervous breakdown. My son was born at 22 weeks and he passed away and my stupid in laws brought him up to the hospital to see me and the baby, and all he could say was. Nobody cares about that baby.. I didn't want a brother anyway, so I am glad he didn't live!! I'll never get over that.. I'm sorry!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:05 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • I agree its not normal behavior, and what is it going to take for your DH to see that something is wrong? That's what I would ask him, what is his boundary for "something wrong"? What are his teachers saying? I agree you should try to support him, but if it were me, I would sit down with your DH and explain that you have no problem with him coming to stay as long as we all go to counseling. I need tools to help me cope with the situation and build a better relationship with him and that's the only way you would be comfortable in this situation. (that way it seems like you are the one who needs the help, but after a few visits, maybe they can help you SS.)


    You deserve to have a calm place to live too! So if DH still says no, then I would move out. Because while he does have a commitment to his child, he also has responsibilities to you.

    Lesli

    Answer by Lesli at 12:07 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

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