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Please help me i need to make the right decision...

My dh and i fight all the time and when we do he says very hurtful things to me. He says things like i hate you, your a fucktard, you wouldn't be able to make it on your own with 3kids cause you didnt finish high school,your lazy. And last weekend he told me he will always be mean and always be selfish and he will not go to a marriage counsler because he has seen them all his life from the age of 5 cause he has always had a anger problem. Well my question is i have family in wyoming who is willing to help me but then my dh is in the military and he is leaving in a month for 6mo. Now should i get divorced and move to wyoming or should i stay and live in the home he pays for and just deal with it?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:24 PM on Jul. 16, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • You need to check your state laws...

    Try this website

    www.womanslaw.org

    In some states leaving without the consent of the other parent, with the children is
    kidnapping..

    I had to take my X to court because he said I kidnapped my daughter...that state was KS..

    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 12:27 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • Only you can answer that question. You know what your willing to put up with. Appearently you dont want to be with him. Weigh your options. Is this the best decision for your kids?Is it worth being in an unhappy marriage? Someone once told me its not the person you miss...its the routine.
    Basically if you leave him will you miss him or the routine of the things you do together just to pass time, going to bed with someone, making dinner for him,doing his laundry etc . I am not a therapist all I am saying is only you can decide the best path for your children and your life. Good luck and God bless.
    mpoohdinky04

    Answer by mpoohdinky04 at 12:32 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • i would tell him before i left. We had already talked about it last weekend cause he wanted to have a plan just in case we couldnt stand eachother anymore
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:32 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • fucktard lol ??? I'm sorry but if my boyfriend called me that I would have to leave him for his lack of maturity alone.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:41 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • I'm sorry to hear that you're in a terrible situation and that your dh isn't willing to change his angry ways for you and his children. When I was growing up, my dad had anger and control issues and we (my brother and I) felt (at a very young age) that maybe my parents would be better off not being together anymore. (Despite the abuse on the family, we love our father very much.) My mother was miserable and stuck in the marriage because of us kids (and maybe for the fact that our culture doesn't allow divorces). Also, and unfortunately, I grew up thinking that it was OK to stick with a relationship that was verbally/mentally, and sometimes physically, abusive because of how my mom stuck it out with my dad. It was only when he died when I was 14 that my mom felt "free." If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your kids. MOVE TO WYOMING. I don't like divorce, but when it comes to anger - safety issues are a concern.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:44 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • follow your heart and do not talk yourself out of it
    which ever way you choose
    boredmom44

    Answer by boredmom44 at 12:46 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • yes i would check with the state laws first and hope to separate if you lived or been treated like this for a very long time think about it hard and long and make the right decision the best for you and your kids.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:53 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • If you can tolerate him for the month I'd hang in there. Then I'd stay while he was gone then I'd leave when he returned if he didn't act right. No I wouldn't divorce him bc he has to pay to take care of you and provide you with insurance if you remain married to him. Nothing says you have to divorce him. Let him divorce you so it won't cost you anything. The state makes sure of the child support and spousal support so you'd be protected there (and wouldn't need a lawyer for it) but you would lose your insurance in a divorce. If he's being an ass, don't make it easy on him. Make him work and pay to get rid of you. If he's getting deployed he'll get bonuses. Don't forget to stay and get those. While he's gone make your plans. Use his money to find a new place to live near your family and to buy new furniture or a car. It's what other military wives do before they leave. You should too
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:05 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • Only you can make the decision. My personal opinion if it were me, is that I would leave. I have left a marriage before because of such treatment. I refused to raise my kids in that environment. Then they grow up and think that type of behavior is acceptable, and it is not. You do not deserve to be treated that way and he has made it clear that he has no intention of changing. To me, it would be a waste of time to stay and if you did, in 20 years you might regret all the time that was wasted being unhappy.
    TarLion

    Answer by TarLion at 1:43 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • thank you to the person who posted the link to womenslaw.org. While I don't need the information, I passed it on to someone it might help.
    geminilove

    Answer by geminilove at 1:45 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

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