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How can Iconvince my 22 yr old sone to seek help for his problems.

He has a physical ailment (herniated disc) and OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) and suffers as well from depression which is aggravated by seasonal affective disorder. None of these ailments can be seen or easily understood. I have been "in charge" of his life for way too long and he struggles just to get through most days. He is often in pain all day long and cannot sleep because of it. He has become very lazy and won't even make phone calls or write a check to pay a bill, using his constant pain as a reason to not function. Clearly, he needs help. Any suggestions on getting him to cooperate?

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:26 PM on Jul. 16, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (6)
  • The hard way. You can no longer be in charge for him, and let the consequences come. It won't be fun.

    Answer by gdiamante at 7:41 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • Well first off he needs to be in charge of his life. It's very hard. I have a bad hip which causes me pain everyday on top of that I have severe depression. I have days where all i want to do is lay on the couch and watch Tv all day long but I have to push myself. When I was 18 I went into a half way house. it was for young adults who have depression OCD or any other mental or physical problems. There I learned how to live on my own until I was ready to move out. Maybe there is something like that in your area. I would check it out. It might help.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:01 AM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • As long as you continue to be "in charge" of his life, he will never become independent. Sometimes we have to let go and allow our children to fall down before they learn to walk. Stop holding his hand. He might struggle at first but he'll be fine without your help.

    Answer by PrttyMstng at 8:57 AM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • I disagree to a point. Depression is a nasty thing and if he doesn't care about consequences then he doesn't care what happens if you stop doing them for him. It's not like they will throw him in debtors prison or anything. I suffer big time from depression and have a bulging disk (NOT herniated so I feel for him. I know his is worse). My son though has a herniated disk and is functional. He gets a shot that relieves his pain so he can move about and even work. Your son's seasonal depression should be ok this time of year if you can get him in the sunlight. Movement is vital for fighting depression as well as helping relieve his pain in his back. I just went through months of Physical Therapy for mine and I can actually function again. Laying around makes it tighten up and hurt more. Stretches are essential in relieving his pain. Tell him there is hope. Does his insurance cover Phy. Therapy? Can he take 5HTP if not on antidep

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:34 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • well if your in charge how come it aint your call? Tell him about other people and the outcomes and he might change his mind.

    Answer by lawla at 10:14 PM on Jul. 18, 2009

  • I've seen my mom go through this with my brother. He was very sick, and depressed. She helped him by giving him good nutrients, helping him research ways to deal with his problems, and encouraging him. He is now living on his own and doing well. I think it would be good to get across to your son that if we keep doing the same things, we will keep getting the same life. It is a simple statement, but we often don't think of it that way. I'm sure that if he thought about it, he wouldn't want the same life tomorrow that he has today. Would he respond to you finding new ways to deal with his stuff? My Mom would have lined up the doctor appointments, and then taken my brother. Would your son go, if you did? I just know that my Mom constantly said encouraging things: "you can do this, and I will help you until you are strong enough to do it on your own". Also, try that special light that imitates sunlight for depression.

    Answer by Gogirl6 at 3:23 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

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