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Important part of our history? Or a chapter to forget forever?

My husband and I have been together for 6 years now. I want to keep a journal of our relationship. Something that would maybe be read by our kids, but mostly for myself. I want to write the good things about us. Write the nice things he has said to and about me. He is a "man's man" so when he does let his emotions show I like to write them down to remember them forever. I also want to put the struggles we have been through and worked our way out of. To show how strong our relationship is and how we deal with problems.
The problem is when we were first married he cheated on me. We had been married for 4 months at that point and had been struggling alot. There were several different factors that made that first year or so of marriage very difficult. He kind of freaked out at the responsibility and being young and handled it very poorly. He went to a party one night with friends and made out with another girl. No sex. continued

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:47 PM on Jul. 16, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • I believe him 99% that he didn't have sex with her, but there is always that 1% of doubt only because I know that it is common for men to cheat. The next day he admitted everything to me and greatly apologized. He explained how wrong it felt and swore he would never let himself get into a position like that again. We sought marriage counseling and our marriage has gotten so much stronger. He is a wonderful dad and loving husband. I know that he has not cheated since then (it has been over 5 years now) and I completely trust him now
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:47 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • .My issue is whether or not to write down that time in our marriage. We suffered a lot through that time and learned a lot from it. It helped pull us closer together and helped us realize what kind of life we wanted and how to get it. For those reasons, I would like to have all those emotions written down in our history. But I am torn because I would also like to forgive and forget. Not act like it
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:47 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • I might include in there that you all 'struggled' at first, as many do....but if there is any chance that the kids may one day read it, I personally would not add details of the cheating situation in order to prevent them possibly having hurt feelings or anger toward their father. Just my opinion.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:58 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • I think you should write it. It will teach your kids that marriage isnt just a bed of roses, and when things seem their worse there is still hope. Life is full of up and downs and divorce isnt always the answer. They may have to go through the same thing as you and your hubby did and this would be a great source of encouragement for them.
    heavenlypeace

    Answer by heavenlypeace at 8:03 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • i think i would write it but i wouldn't let my kids see it until they were older and could fully understand it
    leelee226

    Answer by leelee226 at 8:32 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • It depends on the age when you would be allowing them to read it. Also make sure that you are around when they do read it. Guidance would be necessary, regardless of their age, especially if your kids idolize their dad. It could be devastating to them, even at 25. I think I would write a general journal and then keep another that goes into a little more depth into those parts. Just in case they ever find themselves in that same position, you can then give them that version, at least they'll know that even the best marriages are work, and why you chose to share that with them. Most important, what is your DH's opinion?
    Lesli

    Answer by Lesli at 8:51 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

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