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need advice idk what to do

i went and saw my auntie today. she has cancer and has been getting the strongest dose of chimo therapy and he body isnt responding to it well..and she's dehydrated alot and she lost all of her hair. today was the first time seeing her in about a month and i could barely stomache it...how do i act like this doesnt shock me..how do i be strong cuz honestly idk...i saw my grandma get worse and worse over the years and god i loved that women with all my heart she was my mommy and honestly i dont think i can do it again. im hawaiian and we are very family oriented people and our aunties are very important the women in are family are very important..their strong and their a HUGE part in the family and now i feel like im gonna lose another loved one...i cant even explain how bad she looked she's very dark but today she was ghost white and doesnt have hair...what can i do to deal with this? cuz honestly i couldnt look at her it hurt

 
kuuipo317

Asked by kuuipo317 at 10:42 PM on Jul. 16, 2009 in Just for Fun

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Answers (7)
  • Value every second you have with her. She knows she looks bad. She needs your love. Your loving heart will only see the person she is, now that you are over the shock. ((hugs))
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 10:50 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • its not jus that she looks bad....its the fact that i dont think i can do this again. it hurts.it hurts too much seeing her like this cuz i know she doesnt have long and i can make a happy face i jus cant do it.....how can i act like im ok when im not is what im asking.......
    kuuipo317

    Answer by kuuipo317 at 10:53 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • Watching my mother deteriorate quickly was not easy. She died only a couple of months after being diagnosed. Her physical appearance changed drastically in that time. We chose to deal with it honestly but with humor. My mom was always funny and humor helps us get through a lot. I bought her a baseball cap with jewels on it to hide her loss of hair. She would wear it until there were lots of people around then she would remove the hat and say "SURPRISE, I"M BALD!" I know your aunt may not be that open about her condition but we thought facing it honestly was the way to go. bless your heart and your aunt.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:11 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • It's such a hard place to be in. Why do you feel like you HAVE to act like you are okay? With how you've described your family, I bet your aunt was there with you through your grandmother's sickness. I don't feel like you need to be fake with her or put on a brave front. She knows her situation and she knows you love her. Of course you are going to be hurting to see her this way.

    Of course, I'm not one to talk really. I saw my grandmother once after her chemotherapy. I couldn't bring myself to see her again though I knew she was dying.

    I wish there was some magic answer for you, but there isn't. I'm actually crying just thinking about it. Sorry mama. I just want you to know that you are not alone.
    MamaJen74

    Answer by MamaJen74 at 11:14 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • i just lost my aunt to cancer and she looked terrible in the end, but i sat with her when i could get out there and held her hand and talked to her like it was any other day and i cherish those days because i miss her so much right now. even seeing her how she was i knew she was my aunt no matter how sick she looked, inside under all the pain she was the same happy, horse-loving, individual that she always had been, oh great now im crying :*(
    smilelovesmile

    Answer by smilelovesmile at 12:55 AM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • sorry didnt mean to make you guys cry and thank you for your posts i really appreciate that and i know im suppose to spend all the time i can with her i jus dont want her to stress out by crying..and i know i will. and yea my auntie was there for her sister(sh'e's my great aunt) and the whole family comes together in times like these. its jus so freakin hard. and thanks for wanting a magic answer even though i know theres not one i jus i guess i needed to vent but it would be the greatest thing if there was a magic answer. and the thing about tryin to joke about it im sorry i cant lighten the mood like that infact my family did that too bought her hats some are the most ridiculous and they're laughin takin pictures and i felt like screamin on the top of my lungs. i felt like tellin them this isnt a fuckin joke she's not a clown and especially cuz i saw how embarressed she was it got me so mad i jus have to much anger bout this
    kuuipo317

    Answer by kuuipo317 at 2:01 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • but thank you all for relating and talkin to me. i appreciate it. and idk i jus thought i have to be brave. im always the one putting on the brave face and being there for everyone and tryin to be strong so they dont get stressed out and you know what i jus cant do it anymore i really cant. so i tried to stay away. but at the same time i wanna be close. but if i get close its gonna break me even more...of course i am gonna see her again and more but...ugh idk.....its jus gonna hurt and it scares the crap out of me cuz i recently found out i have cancer and they got it but i have to back jus to make sure it doesnt come back. its jus so much to take in
    kuuipo317

    Answer by kuuipo317 at 2:03 PM on Jul. 17, 2009