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Is it normal for your child to throw things at you and say "I don't love you".

My daughter who will be 5 next month, has huge temper-tantrums almost daily and will often throw things at me and tell me she doesn't love me. Later, after she calms down she is very sorry and loving towards me, but I don't know how to stop this behavior. She doesn't act this way towards anyone else. I have told her to take deep breaths when she gets angry, but that doesn't work. Should I just ignore it or punish her?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:54 PM on Jul. 16, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • My child did this once. I threw out the item that he threw at me. He told me once that he hated me. I replied well that's just fine because I hate you, too. I could see he was stunned. I immediately told him that that was absolutely untrue, that I loved him but wanted him to know how it felt when someone said that. He never threw anything at me nor said he hated me again.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 10:57 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • Don't ignore it. You need to discipline her. Be firm and explain to her why she's being punished. If that doesn't work, get a trash bag and start getting rid of her toys, etc.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:58 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • Actually, I generally do punish her by taking a toy away (for a day), but she just doesn't seem to be at a point where she can control her temper.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:01 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • She act's that way with you cause for her there is no question that you will still love her when it's over. Five seems to be a good age for this also, there is so much emotionaly going on and learning how to direct it takes time. I call this the in between phase, kinda like a tween, they aren't babies anymore but they aren't exactly "grown-up" they want to be independant, and at the same time they realize thier limitations, imagine being that age.

    I never give into the "I don't love you" and usually won't even reply to it, but the throwing things would end, the toy would be gone for more then a day, I find 2-3 days works best, long enough for them to get the point but not to long that they will forget why it was taken away. Then she would have to go to her room to calm down, once calm we would discuss it. It won't happen overnight but with patience it will get better.
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 11:29 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • If she is throwing her things at you, throw it away as soon as it leaves your hand. If she breaks something that is not hers, then take one of her toys (now mom don't take her favorite, unless she breaks your most prized possession) and throw it away. She needs consequences. Along with that, she needs to know how she IS allowed to express her anger. So, give her options.
    Petie

    Answer by Petie at 11:36 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • You should stop this behavior before it escalates to the point of her yelling and throwing things. I would not allow that. My nephews used to tell me they hated me when I first got them. I always respondeed "I'm sorry you feel that way but I love you very much" It sounds so corny, lol. When she starts to go off, diffuse it, tell her "I will not tolerate that" or "You will not speak to me like that" Do not yell back, that will only cause her to escalalte. Remember, respect is a two-way street, you have to give in order to get.
    mlregalado

    Answer by mlregalado at 11:48 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • ":You should stop this behavior before it escalates to the point of her yelling and throwing things. I would not allow that. My nephews used to tell me they hated me when I first got them. I always respondeed "I'm sorry you feel that way but I love you very much" It sounds so corny, lol. When she starts to go off, diffuse it, tell her "I will not tolerate that" or "You will not speak to me like that" Do not yell back, that will only cause her to escalalte. Remember, respect is a two-way street, you have to give in order to get."

    Best answer! :-)
    babycakes254

    Answer by babycakes254 at 11:55 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

  • You need to discipline her for this behavior, before it is to late. After 5 it is almost impossible to change a child. She needs some time out in her room with the door closed when she gets like that. She needs to know that you are not going to tolerate that kind of behavior. That is very disrespectful of you. YOU NEED TO STOP IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!
    homealone_10

    Answer by homealone_10 at 12:27 AM on Jul. 17, 2009

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