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Getting Help From The "Dad"

I have been with my boyfriend for 10 months now, i know that isn't long but he has been the only father to my daughter, she even calls him dada (her cousin taught her this) But when it comes down to watching her for a few hours while i run errands or just while i hop in the shower he refuses. He knows how to change a diaper, and what she eats, and drinks, and when her naps time is, and bed time. I mean he has been her every step of the way. I don't know what to do. We live together and i know he isn't my babysitter but if he wants to (and he says he does) step up and be a father to her, doesn't that involve helping in that manner. I don't want to sound like a bitch but if her real father had bothered to be here i would make him take her. As in okay i have to go shopping for groceries, watch the baby. No asking involved, as in its your duty, but even though he wants and is being her father is it his duty?

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smilelovesmile

Asked by smilelovesmile at 12:22 AM on Jul. 17, 2009 in Relationships

Level 11 (526 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • some men think dad duty = provide the money. Many men don't like watching kids. Don't force him. He has his reasons. She's your child. You take care of her. Don't be a mom that finds out later he hurt her and then regrets forcing him to be with her alone.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:26 AM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • Honestly i'm in a similar situation. I have a toddler, a baby, a husband, and a "baby daddy". My husband doesn't help much with EITHER kid and one of them is his! My other daughter's father helps with her because he wants to be in her life but I have to tell him everything she needs & even pack a bag for him when he picks her up. Don't put so much thought into "him not helping you because he ain't her daddy" and realized that MEN DON'T HELP. Period.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:27 AM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • When yoru boyfriend started dateing you I am assumeing he knew he was getting into a package deal. When he moved in with you I am sure he knew what he was getting into. Talk to him about this. Tell him you are puzzled and hurt by his attitude twords your child. If this doesn't improve the situation and you still feel you can't live with it consider doing it all by yourself. I am telling you right now from experience that it is less frustrateing to do it on your own than haveing a half way dad.

    Maggie
    goddessmom

    Answer by goddessmom at 12:28 AM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • i don't try and force him, but i'm working two jobs and going to school, he is on unemployment and currently going to school for a mechanics degree so he is free in the mornings to watch her for a little while. He wouldn't hurt her, i've know him for years. i mean our familes have always been so close, his sister is my best friend. i mean i know he wouldn't hurt her.
    smilelovesmile

    Answer by smilelovesmile at 12:29 AM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • I would not leave my child with anyone that I had to force to keep her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:29 AM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • its not forcing, i never say "you have to watch her" i always ask and he just says no, so i find someone else, his aunt or his sister or one of my six siblings, but when no one can i'm stuck putting of shopping or whatever(when the weather is bad i want to leave her indoors as often as possible, cuz otherwise i have a sick child ontop of everything) he only watched her once so far (and his siter had stayed over the night before and when he finally woke up he dropped her off at my sisters and his sister off at home. its just i want him to have that alone bonding time with her. to play with her without me there, because i am her favorite, and if she has a choice she chooses me over almost anyone (except her grandma) i know when i go to sit on the back porch and they are inside she laughs alot and brings him toys and they sit and play, what would the diference be if i went shoping for 45 mins instead of relaxing on the back porch
    smilelovesmile

    Answer by smilelovesmile at 12:34 AM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • I'm going through a similar experience. My man & I have a child but also i have two from previous relationships & when he got with me he told me he would be like a father to my other 2 & now after 2 years he's changing his mind saying they're MY kids. I am agreeing with Goddessmom. He knew it was a package deal when you got together & if he loves you, he should love your kids also, as his own. I'm starting to realize it's really hard for some guys to do, especially after you have a child together. They can show favoritism. Put your foot down & re-evaluate your relationship. That's what I'm doing. If your having problems now, it might not get better.
    luvmyangels3

    Answer by luvmyangels3 at 1:25 AM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • some men do not feel comfortable watching a child that young. If he's always had you around to make sure the baby had the nap, the feeding, the diaper changing etc. he may not feel comfortable in doing it. Some men will watch an infant and some will not...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 5:42 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

  • im worried because my older sister has 2 kids with a man and he doesn't act like a father to either and he is their father. before work he goes out and does whatever, hangs with his guys, or cousins and stays out late and does the same after work. also she had her son sleeping through the night in his crib and the father decided that he was going to break this and bring him into bed. And when he got tired of it, he didn't even try to put him back in his crib (which took her 3 weeks to do) and after one night he said she needed to put him back in his crib. she did it because it is healthy for him to sleep in his own bed, but he wasn't acting like a parent.
    i don't want the same thing and im afraid it will be like this because of how he is about things with my daughter. Like potty training, is my job, but he is here half the day, could he help? i just don't know the boundries with a situation like mine.
    smilelovesmile

    Answer by smilelovesmile at 6:12 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

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